Tues Top Ten: Pregnancies

In honor of Penélope Cruz's recently announced pregnancy and the DVD release of Lindsay Lohan's latest Labor Pains (don't everybody rush out to snatch it up at once. I promise you they'll have enough copies) in which she fakes a pregnancy to keep a job, I thought a top ten list celebrating the miracle of childbirth -- or future childbirth rather -- was called for.

But first a bit more about Ms. Lohan. Rich at fourfour collected the Labor Pain lines that were more applicable to Lindsay the celebrity than the character she happens to be playing.



...not that Lindsay plays characters these days. The Actress wrapped things up with Mean Girls, only The Celebrity lives on.
*

Ten Best Pregnant Movie Characters

10 Juno in Juno (2007)
The general three act journey of zeitgeist movies goes like so... Act I: instant hype, audience love and acclaim births a new pop culture babe; Act II: media overkill curdles that hype, attempts to beat holdout audience members into submission spurring rebellions. Backlash turns pop culture darling into punching bag; Act III: Everything settles down until the darling/punching bag is just a movie again, neither the greatest nor the worst ever made. Are we in act three yet with Juno? I hope so because for all the swipes at its forced quirk and too widely adopted quotables, it's a good movie and Juno the character as written, and especially as performed by Ellen Page, should be appreciated as a pretty swell(ing) movie character, hamburger phones be damned.

But how do you think her baby turned out?

09 Demi Moore in...
Vanity Fair Magazine: The Movie. Don't even argue that that wasn't her best role.

08 Holly in Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)
That's a spoiler if you haven't seen Woody Allen's Oscar nominated classic. I love that Holly begins the movie as a bundle of cocaine snorting sister-dependent directionless neurosis and ends the movie aglow with the promise of new life and yet you never think to worry that she'll be a terrible mother. You're too in love with Holly to be anything but happy for her. Credit Dianne Wiest who is one of the most endearing actresses that the cinema has ever known.


07 Sarah Connor in The Terminator (1984)
If you give birth to the future savior of mankind you deserve a place on the list. I chose Sarah over Mary from any Jesus movie or Kee from Children of Men because I don't think they would have survived a robot apocalypse (too demure and too shell shocked, respectively). More on The Terminator and Sarah Connor herself.

06 Dawn Lagarto aka 'Bloody Mama' in Series 7: The Contenders (2001)
It's strange to me that Daniel Minahan's Series 7 never got its due as a prescient satire of the barbaric leanings of reality television and celebrity culture's fame fixation. In the movie, random citizens are selected to star in a show wherein they have to kill the other contestants before they're killed themselves. The final girl (or boy) is the winner. Did the black comedy arrive a year or two too early? Is it not quite as sharp as I remember it being? Either way, Brooke Smith's reluctant but efficient pregnant murderess still lingers in the memory with her big belly, flop sweat and bloody hands.

Is Brooke Smith cursed? Whenever you think her career is going to take off either the film doesn't (Series 7) or she's overshadowed by brilliant co-stars even though she's totally working it too (Vanya on 42nd Street and Silence of the Lambs) or she gets written out of the picture series (Grey's Anatomy, Weeds). If anyone in Hollywood had actually seen Series 7 maybe they wouldn't be so quick to write her off as a contender. Given the right opportunities, she's killer.

05 Ashley in Junebug (2005)
Cuter than a meercat. [Related post: Amy Adams interview]

04 Ruth in Citizen Ruth (1996)
If you've never seen Alexander Payne's satire of America's eternal war between the pro-choice and pro-life forces, you should. The ever brilliant Laura Dern (in one of the best performances of 1996) plays the druggy dimwitted and frequently pregnant Ruth and both sides of the abortion divide seek to co opt her for their cause. It's worth seeing for Dern's amoral comedy alone but the political satire has real bite, too. Here I'll help you. Rent it from Netflix or Blockbuster.

[Related post: Signatures: Laura Dern]

03 Marge Gunderson in Fargo (1996)
Frances McDormand's Oscar win for her seven months pregnant police chief is one of the greatest atypical Oscar moments of all time. A memorably comedic portrayal of a truly original character wins? There is a god. That's as hopeful as Marge's innate goodness, which provides the wintry brutality of Fargo's comedy with its sole warmth.

And for what? For a little bit of money. There's more to life than a little money, you know. Don'cha know that?

And here ya are, and it's a beautiful day. Well, I just don't understand it.

Marge is a great cop. You know she's going to be an awesome mom in just "two more months. two more months."

02 Trudy Kockenlocker in The Miracle at Morgan's Creek (1944)
This Preston Sturges comedy about a girl who gets knocked up on a one night stand with the troops should be mandatory viewing in film schools. It's not that it's the greatest comedy of all time or anything that hyperbolic. It's that it does two things superbly that Hollywood has forgotten how to do well at all. First, briskly paced comedic storytelling and second, an endearing good time gal lead who doesn't feel like she's been assembled from pull down menus in a screenwriting program. Betty Hutton is a total dream as Trudy: funny, sexy, radiant and supremely silly. She's just wondrously fruity. And her loins are unexpectedly fruitful, too.

01 Rosemary in Rosemary's Baby (1968)
Roman Polanski's enduring chiller is among my personal holy trinity of horror: the father mother (Psycho), the son (Rosemary's Baby), and the unholy ghost (Carrie). Most horror movies play with our loudly admitted phobias: fear of the dark, monsters, death. Rosemary's Baby plays a more masterful game, exposing primal fears about things we're not supposed to admit we're scared of. Fears such as pregnancy, childbirth, unknowable offspring and the dread of identities subsumed by our children's. Mia Farrow's brilliant star turn channels these anxieties which are especially pronounced in new mothers, whether or not they've been knocked up by the devil.

*
*
Here's the part where you horrify me by telling me who I've forgotten...

Red Carpet Rendezvous

Checking in with a random sampling of stars @ events this past week or so, all of them sized to represent their actual heights. Because I'm anal like that. I like to keep you (and myself) guessing about who I might include.

individual images

Remember when Chlöe Sevigny was like the "it" fashion girl. What happened to that? And what happened to her acting --is it just me or has she been a little dull lately onscreen. I'm thinking of Zodiac and Manderlay? Angelica Huston still goes to things... but apparently only Wes Anderson remembers that's she's quite a great actress. I'm including Brooke Smith because now that she's been unceremoniously dumped from Grey's Anatomy... maybe filmmakers can remember that she's been all kinds of terrific in movies like Vanya on 42nd Street and Silence of the Lambs and Series 7: The Contenders and maybe without a television contract bogging her down, they ought to throw some interesting supporting roles her way. I'm just saying. Lukas Haas still looks like a little boy, albeit a 6' 1" 30 year-old boy. We'll always have Witness (1985). Pink! I know she's not a film person but so what... she's still a rock star (plus I love her so I must include). And finally Regina King. Remember how hard she worked her big moment in Ray? Remember how sweetly funny she was in The Year of the Dog? Apparently casting directors do not. What's wrong with them?
*
*

Kiss of the Spider Woman Contest Winners

Monologue Monday (Interrupted)

This is where the important part begins. The part about the lovers...

William Hurt was named Best Actor @ Cannes and by Oscar, NBR, LAFCA & BAFTA voters

Lovers of actresses & cinema for our purposes today.

For the entire first reel (and then some) of Kiss of the Spider Woman, William Hurt's "Molina" tries to monologue his way through memories of a favorite film. He loves to perform but his cell mate "Valentin" (Raul Julia) never lets him get lost in his speechifying the way he plans to, continually interrupting him with requests, jokes, corrections and commentary. And so begins an odd couple film that wraps political idealogy, cinematic obsessions, and sexual identity into a memorable actor's duet with as much theatricality as Molina himself wraps his head while daydreaming of his favorite screen diva (Sonia Braga).

The Kiss of the Spider Woman was a best picture nominee for 1985. The other shortlisters were more traditional fare: a beloved novel adaptation The Color Purple, the romantic epic Out of Africa, the mafia black comedy Prizzi's Honor, and the contemporary hit drama Witness. Kiss... has since been the hardest film for younger Oscar completists to see but a 2 disc collectors edition is now out and I have four copies to give away, one for each of its nominations. But before I announce the winners (drawn randomly) I wanted to share some really fun contest entries. I asked contestants to throw a headwrap on and make like Molina, obsessing over a favorite actress/performance in their imaginary prison cell. Some of them even sent photos --can I just say that TFE readers are so awesome to play along!

Originally I was going to post my favorite entries but there were so many that I decided I had to limit the 'extra' sharing to the entries that came in with photos ;) The following contestants did not win the random drawing but but they are so awesome for playing along...

<--- Jonathan from NY

Meryl Streep. Sophie's Choice. Cliched? Perhaps. But can the others recite word for word, facial tic and intonation down pat, the scene where she struggles to tell Stingo about being sent to Auschwitz? Or what about that accent? And she's never been more sexually charged in a film. Best performance by any actor (that I've seen but no, I'm just going to say it, EVER) in history. Streep at her streepiest, and I've loved every 20+ viewings of it. Whoever's in that jail cell better know what I'm talking about when I reference the famous silent scream in the climactic scene, or else they'll be getting an earful.....

Brian in New Mexico --->

I would likely develop, and discuss at length, whose marvelous powers I most wished to possess on any given prison day. Would I want to channel Sissy Spacek's Carrie White and her telekinetic grudge match powers? Or would it Rita Moreno's Anita and her ability to deliver a scathing insult as though it was a love pat? Or would it be Meryl Streep's dexterity in self-transformation that I would covet? (Of course, on really bad days, I would likely pretend to be Hope Emerson and leave it at that...)

<--- JS in the Philippines

Anyone in prison would have to learn and emulate the virtues of Glenn Close's performance in Dangerous Liaisons because like her, you'd be in a similar environment where you would have to practice detachment, learn how to listen and deceive all in service of devising means of escape no one had ever thought of before. It's "win or die." :)

Mark in Manchester --->

I could have gone the easy route and picked Sigourney in Aliens but if I shared a cell i'd obsess over Brooke Smith as Sonya in Vanya on 42nd Street. I only saw this performance recently and was so moved we could act out her final monologue scene with the cellmate as Wallace Shawn.

<--- Cenzig in Florida

Liza Minnelli as Sally Bowles. She oozes that Fosse sexuality that we all know and love. She captures our attention with "Divine decadence darling!" and holds it, even through the tears during "Cabaret" You root for her. You know the mess that is about to be WWII and you want her out, to live with Brian in delicious sin. She's Fun. She's Fabulous. She's Fucking Sally Bowles!!!

You know who is fun and fabulous? Everyone who entered this contest!
For those that didn't win or haven't seen the film, catch up on a little 80s Oscar lore by seeking it out now that it's available again for home viewing.

[drum roll please]

And the winners are...

Nick in Connecticut

I would talk with my cellie about Salma Hayek in Desperado, because, while the film isn't a masterpiece, she was INCREDIBLY sexy in that film. The way Rodriguez lit her, and her willingness to take part in that steamy love scene with Antonio, set my pulse racing as a 15 year old action-movie junkie. She's still one of the hottest women ever to grace the silver screen, and the way she looks in Desperado is the sort of thing that dreams are made of. Those sun-dresses, that long, wavy hair, her accent, her curves… man-o-man what a stunning creature she is.

Ben in Los Angeles

Naomi Watts in Mulholland Dr, hands down. You get two characters to talk about individually, and then you get to talk about the two together. Plus, you can obsess over how overlooked she was in terms of bling for the mantle - no Oscar? Psh!

Dennis in Wisconsin

If I had to go with one performance, it would be Vivien Leigh in Gone With the Wind. That movie had such an impact on me when I first saw it at 12 years old. She rocked my world! I could talk about Scarlett/Vivien for days.

Chuck in Kentucky

Maria Falconetti. Perhaps it is unfair to choose an actress who appeared only in one film. Yet I believe that Falconetti's performance in Dreyer's seminal The Passion of Joan of Arc goes beyond a mere cineast obsession, and can be viewed instead as a sort of religious longing, a desire for emancipation, a devotion to something intangible and ethereal. Falconetti's struggle would be my own, and the haunting memory of her performance would move me more than any other celluloid creation. My memory of those tortured eyes would no doubt provide the sort of spiritual solace only found in prayer; she would be the single slash of light that cuts through the coagulating and ever-present darkness.

I hope you enjoyed reading about these personal cinematic obsessions as much as I did. And while we're on the subject of Kiss of the Spider Woman... you can check out my vague recollection of my favorites in 1985 If you have any thoughts to share on that 1985 Best Picture race, do so in the comments. Out of Africa, Kiss of the Spider Woman, Prizzi's Honor, The Color Purple or Witness? How many have you seen and what's your choice for "Best" ?

Today's Screenings

The Caine Mutiny (1954)
This was the second biggest hit of 1954 and also an Oscar nominee for Best Picture. Audiences and Academy voters were stupid back then, too. Some things never change.

Once & Again -another couplea episodes
I'm a third of the way through the first season and if ABC doesn't find it in their hearts to put the 2nd and 3rd season on DVD I may become violent.

Melinda & Melinda (at the theater)
Great concept. so-so to good execution. Look, I'm never going to tell anyone to skip a Woody Allen picture unless it has Jade Scorpion in the title...so take my thumbs-up with a grain of salt if you are a Woody hater. The premise here is so good it makes up for a lot says me... And it's always a pleasure to see Brooke Smith onscreen. She does not work enough. If you don't know who Brooke Smith is, shame on you and here is your triple-feature viewing assignment: Silence of the Lambs, Vanya on 42nd Street, and Series 7: The Contender. If you're not a fan afterwards...