Red Carpet Ice Rink Lineup

Once in awhile I allow myself an off-cinema spin here. This is a spin followed by a triple sow cow double toe loop triple axel death spiral! I have no idea if those things go together. I've just been watching too much Olympic figure skating. But never fear, I do have a few movie-referencey things to say. So let's talk figure skating, evil costumes and showmanship or: why Johnny Weir is king or at least princess of the sport... Royal Highness is what I'm saying.

If you watched the men's short program last night, you have to read Joe & AB Chao's hilarious live blog. But, if you didn't, some costume gazing:


From left to right we have Japan's Noburani Oda (#4), Russia's Evgeni Plushenko (#1), Switzerland's Stephane Lambiel (#5), Japan's Daisuke Takahahsi (#3), and Canada's Patrick Chan (#7). You are not actually required to wear black to compete but apparently you can't make it to medal contention without it. It makes your lines on the ice cleaner or something... very photogenic. Black and white movies still look sensational for a reason, you know.

These costumes are so modern superhero. I feel its time to share my theory that the unacknowledged patron saint of male figure skating is actually a Canadian. I'm talking about Jean-Paul Beaubier aka Alpha Flight's elf/mutant Northstar. He was even a star athlete before superhero-ing (albeit a skier instead of a skater). Basically if you're going to compete at the highest level of skating you have to work a certain costume equation and I think it's something like


The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari + Northstar x Edward Scissorhands ÷ The Dark Crystal (the latter because you have to harness some mythical sparkly powers. Little known fact: that missing shard that caused the Skeksis so much trouble has been crushed and reconfigured in mosaic form on thousands of show costumes since 1982!).

The braver figure skaters will use the Bluefly accessories wall thoughtfully allow other inspirational elements into their costume mix including but not limited to scraps and patterns pulled from the wardrobes of bullfighters, Liza Minnelli, 70s sci-fi movies and Janet Jackson's Rhthym Nation. I woulda said Lady Gaga but that'll take awhile to filter down into Olympic sportswear.

But back to Northstar. He's a tasty hunk o' mutant but he'll never be transferred to the movies like the other X-Men because he's gay. Which brings me to the unruly hilarious prince(ss) of figure skating, USA's Johnny Weir (a lowly #6 but the score should have been way higher) and his arch-nemesis, Evan Lysacek (#2). Basically Johnny is giving everyone who worries about figure skating being too femme the hot pink middle finger. With a corset no less. So funny.


Mysteriously, humorless Lysacek gets a big name designer (Vera Wang) for his duds. He provides the perma-scowl, bronzer and self-regard. She imagines him as the Dark Sith Lord of skating... with feathers!

It's continually clear that the greater sports world and the mainstream channels which televise their competitions still aren't comfortable with gay athletes (I realize that Weir doesn't directly address this but whatever). But it's particularly galling in the figure skating world which is totally a 'lady who doth protest too much', if you know what I'm saying. So Evan ("Hetero... Thank God!" you can practically hear the talking heads whispering) is showered with unconditional compliments while Weir generally gets droplets of praise in a backhanded sort of way. So bless Weir for continually sticking it to them with panache, diva disregard for their delicate (read: homophobic) feelings, and good humor... plus hot pink tassels, hip swivels and air kisses. I'm not a fan of his fur-wearing antics but with divas, there's always a whole package. You can't take the parts separately. It's love them or hate them. I love him. Or should I say Я люблю его



I hope you've been watching the Sundance Channel's Johnny Be Good reality show. Weir is just what the Olympics need: curveball entertainment. You have to have some performers who aren't easily shoehorned into those soft focus 'triumph of the human spirit' puff pieces, you know? Man cannot live on one (formulaic) flavor alone.

Have you been watching the Olympics and will you be watching the men's skating finale tomorrow (READ: TONIGHT)? Speak up.
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Pour Me Another Link

Shots
Club Silencio "Diagnosing Jennifer Connelly"
Premiere Paul W.S. Anderson reveals how he got Joan Allen to star in Death Race. Among other things... But that's the important part, right?
ócio-pop intermezzo (yikes)
Acidemic pre-code Hollywood and Barbara Stanwyck in 10 Cents a Dance. (The opening photo is freaking me out since she looks too much like Jennifer Jason Leigh)
Hell on Frisco Bay on the new Korean queer film No Regret
Lazy Eye Theater "I Want Morgan Freeman to Deliver My Eulogy"


Barcelona Binging
Humanizing the Vacuum has a wonderful take on Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Have you seen it yet? You've been quiet about it people.
Cinephilia cracks me up. I won't give away the name she gifts Javier Bardem's "Juan Antonio" but it's choice.
NY Times Woody Allen's hilarious faux diary from the set

Scarlett came to me today with one of those questions actors ask, “What’s my motivation?” I shot back, “Your salary.” She said fine but that she needed a lot more motivation to continue.

Olympic Hangover
EW casts Usain Bolt in 12 movies. Hey, are they reading TFE or something?
Daily Kos has some words for NBC. Notice how they skimped on the Matthew Mitcham bio coverage they normally dole out. The only "out" Olympian and he proves a major upset to Chinese dominance winning a gold medal and it's like he just didn't really exist for them. For shame.

Olympian to Silver Screen (Beefcake)

With the gymnastics portion of the Olympics completed I've started to lose interest. But as the games wind down I've been wondering: Will any of the Olympians get TV or movie gigs to go with this new rush of fame?

Some of you will be too young to remember the 1984 Olympics but basically what happened was that Russia didn't show (we traded Cold War based boycotts in '80 & '84) and the USA, without that formidable competition, were golden. America went even crazier than usual for the medalists. Mary Lou Retton became an instant household name and at least one of the 84 Olympians got a movie built up around him the way every standup comic eventually gets a sitcom named after themselves. That lucky gymnast was Mitch Gaylord (left) the "perfect 10" gymnast. He was beloved by everyone for a moment (especially everyone who beloves a little beefcake). Mitch's movie was called American Anthem. Remember that one?



It's a Bad Movie People Love. Janet Jones (his co-star aka Mrs. Wayne Gretzky) often looks like she's auditioning for Showgirls rather than doing floor routines and Mitch is content to just, well, be Mitch. He stares at other gymasts doing routines a lot. The camera ogles his musculature when it's offered up. There are worse things movies can do.

Gaylord starred in a few more cheapie movies, also torso focused, and now he hawks fitness products. None of America's subsequent gymnast champs have had movies built up around them that I can recall. But when I was watching diving events the other night I suddenly was obsessed with imagining a movie wherein Jamie Bell interprets Chris Colwill.


You can see it too, right? And no, it's not because that'd put Jamie in positions like this.


This isn't that kind of blog! (what. shut up!)

We might play more co-ed casting games when the Olympics wrap in a couple of days (Beijing 2008: The Movie! coming soon) but today let's keep it in that Gaylord realm and skip real actors altogether (Jamie Bell fantasies excepted of course). Which hunky athletes should have a quickie bad movie starring him or herself rushed into production? This is a random sampling. There's so many Olympians to choose from.


And I wonder. Would Phelps Phans rush to see a lazily scripted flick starring the super fast swimmer... or maybe the whole men's swim team?


It could be an On the Town type of three men lady-hunting comedy without the showtunes --- more of an At the Pool thing.

Would anyone pay to see that?
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Olympian (Almost)

Overhearing conversations in my hotel, glancing at the headlines on papers and listening to the television commentary gives me the sense that all anyone cares about during the Olympics are record breakers like Michael Phelps. As for myself, I'm not winner focused. I blame that on my ancient obsession with Oscars. I'm more fascinated by the nomination process than who wins. It's also why when I started my online punditry many years ago (many many many many years ago. sheesh I'm Gandalf) I passed out virtual gold, silver and bronze medals rather than a single trophy. That's commonplace around the blogosphere now but I trail blazed that Olympic take on movie awards.

This is all a long way of saying that I get really bored with what I view as bad sportsmen statements that you hear all during the games "he/she won't be happy with a silver medal!" as if being second best in the entire world is something to be ashamed of. Maybe I just don't have enough of a competitive spirit but I watch these games and I get bored with the winners (Michael Phelps ...again? There are so many great swimmers) just like I get bored with multiple repeat Emmy winners or regular Oscar nominees who don't deserve shortlisting every single time. Instead, I feel so much for the Olympic "losers". They are amazing amazing athletes. Imagine being among the very best in the world at any one thing? It's just... gah! What a thrill it should be. And yet we focus only on the gold.

So here's to all the fourth place finishers in Olympic events and here's to anyone who ever lost an Oscar! And please raise your glass to all the people who were ever great at anything. And even all the people who were ever almost great. Working at being nearly great is better than most people manage, don't you think? So here's to all the Olympians from everywhere and the alternates, too.

And, finally, here's to Geena Davis !


She's the only famous actress I know of who was also nearly an Olympian. It's my favorite bit of Olympic sports trivia. "Thelma" tried out for the US archery team way back in 1999 but didn't make the finals. She did win the Oscar. She also got to have famous pretend sex with Brad Pitt. But then her movie career dried up long before anyone expected it would. The moral of this story is that you really can't win them all. But win or lose, be game.
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Zhang Yimou, Master of Ceremonies

Sorry I've been mostly absent this weekend. The Film Experience (i.e. Nathaniel) is relocating to DC for a month starting tomorrow. This hopefully won't affect you as readers much but you never know. Between packing, shopping for trip and watching the Olympics I haven't had any time to think let alone write or see movies. The summer has been busy: I still haven't even seen Mamma Mia! and that opened weeks ago. Can you believe it? All that buildup to a new Streep Sings moment and no payoff for Natty.

But let's talk about the opening ceremony of the 2008 Olympics for a second.


I'm feeling eternally grateful to political activists and the inimitable Mia Farrow who succeeded in pressuring Steven Spielberg into backing out as the "artistic advisor". I know that people think Spielberg is the greatest film director on earth and [insert hyperbolic statement here] but to me Zhang Yimou, who did directing duties, is better at two things and they happen to be two things the Olympics can't do without: pageantry and spectacle. Plus, he's Chinese. Shouldn't Olympic Ceremonies always run to homegrown talent first? I doubt he needed advice from Spielberg.

Zhang Yimou's filmography includes Raise the Red Lantern, House of Flying Daggers, Curse of the Golden Flower, and Ju Dou so when it comes to a skilled way with eye candy, well, I rest my case. Yimou was pleased with the big night and why not. It was the best opening ceremony I've personally ever seen: that absurdly precise choreography of thousands, those vibrant storytelling colors, the elaborate but still human special effects and costumes, the incongruously calm brush strokes in the midst of chaos; It was just like Hero only less violent.

I'm sure it cost more to produce than three over budget Hollywood blockbusters put together.

Just about the only thing that wasn't perfect was the absence of Chinese movie stars. Did we really need what I presume was China's Liberace? Did we really need ...Sarah Brightman? (a useful question in many situations). I know the torch finale is an athletes-only kind of gig but couldn't they have let Gong Li or Tony Leung Chiu Wai do a lap with it or something before the big scrim-running finale?

Did you watch? Did you love?
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A Debut For the Ages

Hello everyone, Jonathan here again. Since everyone is watching the Olympic Opening Ceremonies tonight (that and the closing ceremonies are my favorite parts of the whole thing quite honestly) let's celebrate the Olympics and the Movies by remembering one of the most earth shattering, heart pounding, history making debuts in all of cinema: Bruce Jenner in Can't Stop the Music.

Bruce won Gold in 1976 at the Olympics but couldn't even get a Razzie in 1980 for his debut. He was nominated for Worst Actor but, alas, lost out to Neil Diamond for The Jazz Singer. Too bad because he was a hell of a lot more entertaining than Neil, and the Razzies, in the end, are about entertainment.

In Can't Stop the Music Bruce gets to show fear as he is held up by an old lady, frustration as he is hit on by Marilyn Sokol, and finally courage, as a lasagna spill forces him to take off his pants. It was Bruce's first and last feature film although he did plenty of tv work. And now, like the Phoenix rising from the ashes, he's back on E! Entertainment's True Hollywood Story, as himself of course. But nothing will ever top Can't Stop the Music. It's the Olympian Cinematic Debut for the Ages.

Pretty Damn Impressive

Keeping us in shape for Olympic month is Burt Lancaster. See this pic? Looks pretty good right? Sure there's a bit of a love handle there but still he cuts an impressive figure. Know how old he is in this picture? 55. It's a pic from The Swimmer which he made in 1968, in the days before everyone went to gyms and cut impressive figures into their fifties. For 1968, this is the equivalent of someone in their eighties looking like that today. Not bad Burt. Hope I look as good when I'm 55... in uh... um... like forty years from now. Yeah, yeah, that's right, forty years from now. [that should fool everybody]