Curio: Bridget Buys

Alexa here. Jose's post on birthday girl Bridget Jones brought back some memories for me. True story: as a 28-year-old singleton I went to see Bridget Jones's Diary, on opening night, all by myself no less. (Insert soundtrack here.) Upon seeing Renée, who had seemingly acquired my identical limp hair and puffiness for the role, I proceeded to sob through the opening credits. Although I'm a smug married now, that didn't stop me from creating this shopping list for the girl I was, inspired by the girl Renée became, way back in 2001.

Step one: the diary. This one seems perfect.

And I'll need some penguin pajamas, of course.

That is, when I'm not wearing my bunny costume...

...which will require a pair of serious knickers.

But no matter what the ensemble, I'll top it off with this necklace.

"Bridget Jones already a legend."

Jose here.

Bridget Jones was born on a day like today. She's the chubby, British spinster we all love to watch but fear to become: neurotic, obsessive, insecure and very, very unlucky.
Do you remember how she spent her birthday in 2001?


Oh joy! I am broadcasting genius, celebrating by cooking birthday feast for close friends. I have a sneaking suspicion I'm also something of genius in the kitchen as well!


Coming from a great day at work she decided to cook for her friends. Is it normal for the birthday girl to cook her own party food?


String soup?


Bridget was obviously not as genius as she thought...


But ah, she has the perfect savior in the shape of good ole booze.


That is until the perfect savior comes along in the shape of Mr. Darcy (Gotta love how Colin Firth pulls off those white shirts...)


Judging by the guests' faces the dinner was far from scrumptious.


But still she deserves a toast!

To Bridget who can not cook but who we love just as she is...


And boy how we do!

Ah, can you believe it's been almost ten years since this movie was released? Has Renée Zellweger ever been as lovable again? What would you give Bridget for her birthday?

All Good Links

Before we get to today's link roundup -- I went a little crazy as I sometimes do -- enjoy the heat sensor-like photography of the All Good Things poster. Perhaps Ryan and Kiki were a bit jealous of the ruckus Jake & Annie's nude poster caused online.

P.S. Jake Gyllenhaal is obsessed with Ryan Gosling. Just saying. I would try to quote his answer from Saturday night when the audience question 'who would you like to work with?' popped up but it was so rambling and long and confusing that I can't. But let's just say it began with Ryan Gosling, was jilted by Ryan Gosling via text "I'm busy" and then ended again with a circular non sequitor shout of "Ryan Gosling!" Jake likey. Ryan Gosling is what you might call an actor's actor... since everyone seems to want to work with him.

On to the linkage...
Candy Magazine A double take of pleasure. Yes, that's James Franco to your left continuing his trans formation from one of the great herd of Hollywood pretty boys to an actually interesting celebrity.
My New Plaid Pants is an über fan of Let the Right One In. Doesn't hate Let Me In. Since the response has been so positively muted like "it's good: also, a recreation" I've decided not to see it.
Broadway.com Carrie the Musical being revived. Wow.
Cinema Blend Me pal Katey basically says all I have to say about the trailer for Julie Taymor's Tempest so I don't need to cover it here. What she said, minus the positive bits since I liked the movie even less than she.
The Big Picture Tony Curtis grand sendoff in Las Vegas
Hero Complex Emma Stone will play Gwen Stacy in the new Spider-Man. I'm glad that early reports were wrong. Why do the whole Mary Jane story again. That said, isn't it weird that someone known as a redhead is going to play Spidey's favorite blonde and someone known as a blonde was cast as his favorite redhead. Weirdness.
The Awl Sasha Frere-Jones and Natasha VC on The Social Network. If you haven't read enough yet, it's fun as always to read these two.
50 Best Theater Blogs I'll have to investigate this list.
Just Jared Joseph Gordon-Levitt lost his older brother. So sad.
Towleroad celebs speaking about gay bullying on Larry King Live
Movie|Line offers tips to Renée Zellweger on how she could regain her A list status. I love the suggestion of a brilliant twitter feed. I hope she calls it @Zeéeee after my new nickname for her. Zeéeeee reads me right? *

Double Duty!
Movielicious Have you seen this great mashup poster for Toy Story and Tron? I wish I knew who did it to give them proper cred.
Scott Feinberg "Are Bening *And* Moore All Right." Some smart words on the The Kids Are All Right Oscar campaign.
John Luciano a Calvin & Hobbes mashup with Let the Right One In. Teehee. I used to love Calvin's girlcrush but can't remember her name right now

*Obviously I am kidding. Someone I am acquainted with who works in the industry once told me that every star googles themselves --whether they admit it or not -- and is familiar with their biggest cheerleaders and nemeses online. But I chose not to believe her because it weirded me out too much to think of Beelzebub, She Who Must Not Be Named, La Pfeiff and The Bening reading or even knowing of my puny existence.

Should Case 39 be open or shut? Half and half for a laugh, perhaps?

Craig here, taking a look at Renée Zellweger's new cinema release. (There are a few mild spoilers contained)

Case 39 stars Zeéeeee as Emily Jenkins, a concerned social worker in a headband. She’s worried about the well being of a child. We’re more worried about her personal hair-care regime: when her hair is up, fixed in place with said headband, she’s out of danger; hair down means terror is likely afoot. Her life depends on the precarious positioning of her follicles. Make a note of the subtle differentiation as it will help guide you through the many twisty plot derivations of Christian Alvart’s new (though actually old*) horror-thriller.

Headbanded Emily Jenkins gets the titular case plopped on her desk, so she duly investigates a couple who she suspects have been mistreating their 10-year-old daughter Lillith (Jodelle Ferland). She scrambles to the couple's creepy house along with boss Ian McShane (growling an otherworldly accent as yet unidentified by literature or science), just as the parents are about to roast li’l Lill in the oven -- seriously, this scene is hilarious. Zellweger and McShane lay waste to moody-mom and bad-dad’s furniture and faces whilst rescuing the half-baked moppet. (McShane, trying out too-late for a role in The Expendables, literally dropkicks the mother into a table and indents a fridge with the father’s head - and McShane’s about 110 years-old! The Oscar for Best Supporting Sexagenarian Shit-Fit is his for the taking).

Be honest, does my hair look good like this?

Soppy ol' Emily, ditching the headband, gets to adopt Lillith and live happily... never after? ‘Cause, ah, you see, maybe there’s more to case 39 than our Zeéeeee bargained on (as we’ve only sat through half of the film's 109 minutes). Is Lillith actually as sweet and innocent as everybody initially thought? Could she be the devil with a dollhouse? If you haven’t guessed what’s happening by this point then you haven’t been paying attention to the headband theory. (Hair up = phew, safe; hair down = argh, get that spawn of Beelzebub off my property, post haste!)

Renée keeps the family dinner warm in Case 39

Emily soon forgets about cases 1 through 38 (all other kids in peril can obviously go take a jump) to do everything in her power to Get To The Bottom Of All This. There are a handful of amusing scenes along the way, and more than a few howlers peppering the plot; a fun so-bad-it's-good time’s almost to be had. If you're willing, try a few pre-movie drinks. One scene where Lillith asks a headbanded Zeéeeee if she could brush her hair had me shouting, 'Yes! For the love of God, yes! Take that headband away and brush her hair!'

Bradley Copper responds to Renée putting the Chicago soundtrack on.
and other captions.

There’s a naked Bradley Cooper as Zeéeeee's beefcake beau, who has his bath time royally ruined by a particularly pressing wasp problem; he then buzzes off halfway into the film (the script for The Hangover must have arrived.)  Although the scene where Ferland is interviewed by Cooper, and acts him and anyone else (in this scene and others) right off the screen, is genuinely creepy. Renée just puts on a tight face and stands by looking awkward. In a headband.

Renée is driven to dispair by her missing headband.

The editing may have been carried out by a drunken Edward Scissorhands, and the pace is defined by accident rather than design. Case 39 is more eventful than Joshua, but doesn’t have the daft-but-nifty twist or fun factor of Orphan - two other recent Is My Kid Satan's Spawn? genre entries. It’s so close to being a new trash gem, but, despite a grab-bag of chucklesome moments early on, it wimps out at the last minute with a wet whimper. Near the end Renée says, “You know, none of this should ever have happened!” Oh Zells Bells - you took the words right out of my mouth.

*The film was completed in 2006 but has only now seen the light of day, after an ever-shifting release date pattern that took in fifteen date changes over three countries.

Case 39 is in theaters now. 

Kristin Chenoweth, Film Critic

I follow way too many people on Twitter and thus miss updates from the few celebrities I follow. But since Kristin Chenoweth, one of my favorite peeps in the world, is in the news today being an Emmy nominee (she won previously, and deservedly, for Pushing Daisies) for Glee. I thought I'd share her film tweets.


She misspels her new favorite movie Greenberg but we hear it's quite good and who doesn't love Quentin Tarantino movies? So maybe she has good taste but then... NOOOooooooo she loves Forrest Gump -- god, I hate that movie -- and even gives the Zeéeeee major props so, ungh...

But thanks for sharing, Cheno! Love you always. Can't wait to see you in concert again whenever that may be.

Further Only Tangentially Related Reading:
Movie|Line on the mad subject of Lindsay Lohan's sh*tshow tweeting
*

"You were in the paper today, too..."

"...in the back with the obituaries. 'Velma Kelly's trial has been postponed... indefinitely.'" [sad face]

[Great Moments in Screen Bitchery #855, Roxie Hart Chicago]

There's nothing like faux sympathy to stick the knife in.
Renée Zellweger

Red Carpet Lineup: Tribeca Blowout

red carpet lineup. random celebs who've been out and about this week...

With Tribeca handing out their awards last tonight and me coming back to life (things have been crazy) I thought we'd talk about some people attending New York's glitzy festival. I'm asking a comment question in red for each of them because I'm "reader discussion guide" annoying like that. Maybe I should have been a T.A.? Tribeca doesn't have the same prestige or art-driven mentality as the far older New York Film Festival (always in the fall) but it does pack theaters all over town, offer up a diverse 'something for everyone' slate and bring out the celebrities in droves. To hawk their films. Though I did see Ben Stiller and Denis Leary as audience members at the religious satire The Infidel.

from left to right

• Ellen Barkin plays a sullen drug addict in The Chameleon and she'll start her Shit Year at Cannes next month in the Directors' Fortnight lineup. Is her career revving back up or is this another Oceans 13 false alarm. Do you care?
• Mark Ruffalo seems to be letting himself go. Maybe it's just a 'between projects' kind of thing. Though, when is he between projects? Always working. I'm already stealing myself for disappointment if he doesn't get the credit he deserves for sly great work in The Kids Are All Right. Will he ever be Oscar nominated?
  
• Kirsten Dunst is on the comeback trail despite being only 28. Today is her birthday! She was at Tribeca because she directed the short film Bastard. Are you rooting for her comeback?
  
• Melissa Leo can't say no. That's my theory because she's made 15+ movies since Frozen River (2008) -- no joke -- and she's in two miniseries this year too (including Todd Haynes' Mildred Pierce). Should she be saying yes to everything? Riding that Frozen River momentum til it stops paying dividends.
  

from left to right

• Andy Serkis came to town with his BAFTA nominated star turn in the rock bio sex & drugs & rock & roll. I wondered a few times if he could get any Oscar traction for it. Pro: there's the disability factor AND the biopic factor. Con: It's probably an unfamiliar rock story to most AMPAS voters and they like familiar. I admit I didn't know the story either. Do you know Ian Dury and The Blockheads?
  
• she who must not be named was in NYC for My Own Love Song. You know how I felt about the trailer but believe me I don't want to be this frightened to go near her work. In all honesty I was really hoping to get back on board but then came that trailer. I even tried to give her a new nickname Zeéeeee which is vowel-accurate and friendly-like. Are you rooting for her comeback?
• Christy Turlington is my favorite model of all time. But I realized sitting in the audience of her new documentary that it's weird to have a favorite model of all time. Because what can you do other than look at them? With favorite actors there's all sorts of imagination connection, storytelling, catharsis, etcetera. There I sat thinking "she's pretty" and my thoughts pretty much ended there. Unlike many of her supermodel peers from the 90s, she didn't try acting. But after marrying Ed Burns she is trying filmmaking. For a good cause though! Visit the website every mother counts. Have you a favorite model of all time ever?
  
• Patricia Clarkson starred in a travel drama called Cairo Time in which she misplaces her husband in Egypt. Somehow I missed it even though I love my Patty and also enjoy her co-star Alexander Siddig. Bad planning me. Why do people go to the desert on vacations?
  

from left to right

• Amanda Seyfried was starting her Letters To Juliet tour. Dominic Cooper walked her down the aisle -- I mean the red carpet -- for the premiere. Do you like them as a couple or do they give you painful flashbacks to Mamma Mia?
  
• Guy Pearce should maybe be hired for Christian Bale's health scare roles. I'm just sayin'. He was in town for a special screening and discussion of Memento. Do you love Memento?
  
• Sissy Spacek was promoting Get Low. I didn't like the movie -- which I saw before the festival and which most people do like for Oscar noms -- but it sure was nice to see her again in a substantial role. Still waiting for another In the Bedroom, though. What's your favorite Sissy? Other than Carrie I mean.
• <---Brian Geraghty was the unofficial poster boy of the 9th annual Tribeca Film Festival. He was a home invader in the erotic thriller Open House, a muscley redneck brother-in-law in The Chameleon and he also appeared in Kiki's short Bastard. It's like Melissa Leo's Frozen River longtail... only with The Hurt Locker. Thoughts?
  

Finis.
* Renée Zellweger

Yes, No, Maybe So: My Own Love Song

I can't really "thank" Guy Lodge for exposing me to the trailer to 2010 Oscar hopeful My Own Love Song starring _________. The horrors unleashed may never be wiped from my eyeball memory. Press play at your own peril!



Until I pressed play, Guy did have me chuckling

Renee sings!
Renee squints!
Renee mopes soulfully in a wheelchair!

I normally attempt to view trailers through the prism of yes (what might be good) no (what scares me) and maybe so (some "this could go either way" factor). It's my small way of combating our hype-loving film culture in which 500 gazillion movie 'fans' watch movie commercials and only a million GO to movies. But how to go "yes, no, maybe so" when within record time (exactly 11.5 seconds) I was in fetal position screaming

"Noooooooooooooooo!!! Dear gods of the cinema. Why?
Why?!!! Whyyyyyyyyy?"

Nevertheless, I must try. You know what to do in the comments. You play, too.

Renée Zellweger stars in My Own Love Song

yes. That part where they hid her face and we could hear the singing (good voice, Zeéeeee)

maybe so. That animated giant bird at the end sharing the screen with the actors is so weird that I wondered for a split second if the movie was a surrealist comedy and if it was fully aware of how ridiculous it is? If so is the acting that way on purpose ???

NO.
The first 11.5 seconds which build yet another solid case that some Oscars should be repossessed... in this case two of them. The next 29.5 seconds where Forest & _______ decide they weren't quite over-acting enough in the first 11.5 seconds and they must make amends and really show us how it's done. The next part where we see the car crash that happened before (obviously) and thus are forced to worry that Olivier Dahan (La Vie En Rose) has still not learned to tell stories in a linear fashion. The next part where we get to the intertitles that would be cute if they weren't overlayed on a film that's already about two quirkly People With Problems. It's all so fucking twee. The next part when you're reminded that Nick Nolte doesn't have an Oscar but that this is one of those movies that wants to remind you that EVERYONE in it is Oscariffic(!) somehow. The next part with all the antic slapstick. The next part where the overacting returns. Staccato. line. readings. forever. The next part where things suddenly get serious (Oooh, gravitas ~ the hoary "sudden reveal of letter!") The next part at 2:11 when Forest & ______ visit the tree from The Fountain. Why I do not want to know. And I will PERSONALLY hold all 5,777 members of the Academy responsible if they force me to watch it by nominating it for anything.
*

Red Carpet Lineup, Foxy Julianne and Berlinale Winners

With Berlinale wrapped, let's take one last looksie at random celebs working the premieres and photo ops. Part of our irregular red carpet lineup tradition. And then the awardage.

From left to right: I didn't know what Michael Winterbottom looked like, so I've included him here. He's a boyish 48. I think his career is pretty fascinating because it covers so much global ground and differing genre terrain. He's so prolific while still making intelligent films. I'm impatient so prolific works for me. That said, his new noir The Killer Inside Me might be one I'll have to skip. If festival types are so horrified by the violence I'm sure it's more than I can take.

Julianne Moore looking foxy on her way to fifty. She's gone a bit goth here with smoky eyes, black dress and black fingernails. More on her in a bit.


Two-time Oscar nominee Isabelle Adjani, who hasn't been working much, came out for the premiere of the comedy Mammuth in which she costars with another 80s French superstar Gérard Depardieu. The title refers to his motorcycle.

Tall Rebecca Hall was on hand to promote Please Give (my review). Nobody told her that premieres require evening gowns.

Renée Zellweger, juror, wore big black puffy sleeves for awards night. But apparently she isn't willing to get puffy again herself for Bridget Jones 3. This might be totally unfounded gossip... but is it really true that Zeéeeee blames a failed relationship on the weight she gained for Bridget Jones Diary? That's... uh... disturbing. It took her like two days to lose the weight. We have photographic proof from awards shows. Say what you will about her -- and I've said plenty about 'she who must not be named' over the years -- she can often work a red carpet. That's an eye grabber.

Finally in that lineup above we have Danish actress Lene Maria Christensen who was there to support her new picture En Familie. I included her because I never wrote about Frygtelig Lykkelig, Denmark's failed Oscar submission -- soon to be remade by the same filmmaker for audiences who are too dumb to read subtitles -- and I thought she was pretty interesting within it. I don't know how to put this exactly without sounding hideously insensitive but her face seems like a comedic one and yet she was playing the dramatic / sexual femme fatale of the piece. And it worked. Strange little film but she was highly watchable and now I'm curious. The film is in theaters now so if you like quirkly film noir, you should see it.

AWARDS
No festival is compete without the honors and prizes. We'll kick off with German born 70s icon Hanna Schygulla who was honored for her whole career. She's pictured here with her recent The Edge of Heaven director Fatih Akin. Congrats Hanna! I keep meaning to educate myself on the Rainer Werner Fassbinder years but it's slow going. Why can't time stop for a a couple of years and allow me to catch up on a century of cinema? At least the highlights.

The Prizes
Golden Bear Bal (Honey) directed by Semih Kaplanoglu is about a boy searching for his missing beekeeper father. Will this be Turkey's Oscar submission next year?
Silver Bear Eu Cand Vreau Sa Fluier, Fluier (If I Want to Whistle, I Whistle), directed by Florin Serban. Romanian film is still roaring. This film also won the Alfred Bauer prize which is meant to reward innovative filmmaking.
Director Roman Polanski, The Ghost Writer. In theaters now.
Screenplay Tuan Yuan (Apart Together) about reunited lovers separated by war was written by Wang Quan’an and Na Jin
Best First Feature Sebbe directed by Babak Najafi (Sweden)

Actress Shinobu Terajima in Caterpillar
Actor This prize was shared between the leads of the Russian film Kak Ya Provel Etim Letom (How I Ended This Summer) Grigori Dobrygin and Sergei Puskepalis, pictured right, who play co-workers at a polar station in the Arctic. They're the only two people in the picture. The film also won a prize for its cinematography.

Since this is an A list festival there are a lot of prizes from other juries, audiences as well. Other films that were honored in some way include:

Son Of Babylon directed by Mohamed Al-Daradji which won two prizes
Waste Land directed by Lucy Walker, Joao Jardim & Karen Harley
Budrus directed by Julia Bacha
Daniel Schmid - Le chat qui pense directed by Pascal Hofmann, Benny Jaberg
Kawasakiho ruze (Kawasaki’s Rose) directed by Jan Hrebejk
Aisheen [Still Alive in Gaza] directed by Nicolas Wadimoff
En Familie (A Family) directed by Pernille Fischer Christensen
Parade directed by Isao Yukisada
El vuelco del cangrejo (Crab Trap) directed by Oscar Ruiz Navia
and Die Fremde (When We Leave) directed by Feo Aladag

TEDDY
Berlinale also has a queer tradition, honoring gay and lesbian films in their "Teddy" section. This is where Julianne comes back in. Lisa Cholodenko's lesbian family dramedy The Kids Are All Right (my review) took the top prize.

Writer Director Lisa Cholodenko gets a red carpet kiss from her star
Julianne Moore, 'the foxiest bitch in the world' (thx, Boogie Nights)

Other Teddy honors went to the documentary La bocca del lupo (The Mouth of the Wolf) directed by Pietro Marcello (read more about it), James Franco's directorial debut, a short film called The Feast Of Stephen (read more about it) and Open directed by Jake Yuzna which sounds rather outre and difficult to describe (you can read more about it but *NSFW*)

Congratulations to all the winners. One day we'll get to Berlin for the festival. If you've ever been, speak up in the comments.
*

Netflix Patterns: Everyone Loves Button

Have you ever wondered what other people in your neighborhood might be renting on DVD? I know when I see someone holding a red Netflix envelope I always wish I had x-ray vision to see which disc was inside. The NYT have a fascinating map about rentals by region in 2009. Apparently The Curious Case of Benjamin Button was the #1 most rented overall. But it's fun to flip through various cities to see how a movies popularity shifts from region to region and even zip codes. For example, in my neighborhood (Harlem) Doubt, ...Button and The Soloist (???) were the top dvds. Weirdness.


The Coen Bros Burn After Reading is popular in NYC but even more popular just across the East River in Brooklyn. Deep deep red in one spot so I clicked over to confirm: hipster Williamsburg. Of course!


Zeéeeee's latest "movie" New in Town was a funny example. It was pretty unpopular in any urban areas but totally unpopular in San Francisco and Oakland... Much more rental friendly in Minnesota which happens to be the very place found in the movie that teaches city girl Renée how to let her flat-ironed big city hair loose.

Mostly these maps just confirmed what we already know. Mainstream hits are popular in suburbs and divisive artier films are much more popular in densely populated areas. Take the world's most improbable double feature: Paul Blart: Mall Cop and Rachel Getting Married. They're almost polar opposites.


Practically no one on the island of Manhattan cared to rent the comedy. Is that because we don't have malls? (No, the "Mall of Manhattan" doesn't count). But parts of New Jersey were totally into it. Those same parts were not about to put up with Kym's emotionally complex shenanigans in Rachel Getting Married. They weren't having it!


Neurotic city-dwellers, however, embraced the awkward toasting and raised their glasses to Anne Hathaway's killer performance.

What do you suspect people are watching where you live? And are you as nosey as I am to know what influences your neighbor's movie choices?
*

16 inches! How long does a man's hose have to be?

Dave here, lowering the tone slightly as he chimes in on 2003. But we all have our pets, don't we? Those films that we know aren't masterpieces, or perfect, or are going to appeal to everyone, but are besotted with regardless. Down With Love is one of those for me. It's become one of my favourite comedies of the 2000s, and, not to be sacrilegious, but I find it infinitely preferable to the Doris Day/Rock Hudson sex comedies it's based on. I think maybe that's because Down With Love has those films as an extra base to riff on; it mines the same territory while also lovingly mocking Pillow Talk et al. It may also be the last time Renee Zellweger was charming, funny, attractive and altogether a very pleasing presence in her movie. I'd quote her remarkable expositionary monologue, but that's really something you should see (spoilers, however), so instead, enjoy this brilliantly basic wordplay. ('Know' and 'Now' are, rather hilariously, magazine titles.)

Barbara Novak: Another ruse, Catcher? You know I have no interest in seeing you.
Catcher Block: But you know you have to, and you know I know you have to. I'm sure you know how things are at KNOW ever since your new NOW.
Barbara Novak: I have no way of knowing how things are now at KNOW. I knew how things were at KNOW before NOW.
Catcher Block: Then you should know now at KNOW things are a lot like they are at NOW, we have to interview every applicant for every job, and so do you or you'd be going against NOW's definition of discrimination and you wouldn't want the readers of NOW or KNOW to know that, now would you?

I'm not sure how it well it works on the page. So go and watch it now, won't you? There's good readers.

Red Carpet: Amanda's Tip Money, Jennifer's Baby Food

A random sampling of actresses (and actor) that were out and about this week, as is our habit since this isn't a celebrity fashion blog but we do like to stargaze. From left to right: Mélanie Laurent, Amanda Seyfried, Christoph Waltz, Renée Zellweger, Miss Piggy and Jennifer Aniston

photos reworked from Zimbio & Just Jared

Why do you suppose Amanda Seyfried has cash out?

I'm pretending that she's going to tip Mélanie and Christoph for their fine work in Inglourious Basterds. I certainly want to. I'm shoving $20s down their pants if I get the chance. The photo of Seyfried was actually snapped on the set of her new movie with Gael García Bernal (Letters to Juliet) so maybe she's saving the tip money... she must have seen Bad Education.

photo src

Meanwhile, Zeéeeee is waving to Mélanie but the French girl isn't waving back. I don't have a story beat in mind for that one but I think that's generally a smart move, pretending you didn't notice her. That said, I'm really bad at ignoring her, aren't I? For example, every one in the world skipped Miss Potter and I still tortured myself with it. New in Town sits on my DVD shelf even now (no, I did not purchase it) and how long will it be until I succumb? It's a sickness.

In other news, did you hear that Marc Jacobs furnished Miss Piggy with a new look? I love it. Miss Piggy is a national treasure and she's been out of the limelight for too long. I'd much rather hear about her cross-species love life than Jennifer Aniston's predictable romantic woes.

And speaking of...

Have you seen the trailer for Love Happens in which Jen breathes new life into dimpled, cleft widower Aaron Eckhart? They're both likeable performers but that movie looks like total baby food. It's simply flavored utterly predictable mush. The trailer is Hollywood making choo-choo noises, hoping you'll open wide for a spoon feeding.

Renée is Glamorous?

I'm a little confused about why Renée Zellweger's publicist / management are working her so hard right now. There's no movie out. Is it to try and acclimate the media to the idea of loving her again, what with 3 films arriving this fall and 2 of them (My One and Only, My Own Love Song) supposedly acting showcases and thus... (gasp) Oscar possibilities? She's in the current Glamour magazine which purports to tell us who the 50 most glamorous women are. Zeéeee does not make the list despite being their covergirl. In the interview, she offers up this quote about what she's looking for in a man.

I'm looking for an encyclopedia and a dictionary. A bit of the Boy Scouts Handbook.

Um... Renée is looking for Professor Bertram Potts?!? 'Sugarpuss' O'Shea will not be pleased.

Zeéeee vs. Barbara Stanwyck? Zeéeee may be from Texas but Stanwyck was from Brooklyn, yo, and could pretend she was from the Southwest with the best of them. What a blood bath that would be.

Anyway... the 50 Most Glamorous Women of 2009. All magazine lists crack me up because they're always completely beholden to the "right now" and usually have very little connection to the title of their list. F'rinstance: I love Dame Kate Winslet as much as the next movie fanatic but she doesn't exactly scream "GLAMOUR!" to me. But since she just won the Oscar she has to be considered the most glamourous woman alive, right? Here's the top 12...

1. Kate Winslet
2. Anne Hathaway
3. Michelle Obama
4. Angelina Jolie
5. Reese Witherspoon
6. Jennifer Aniston
7. Heidi Klum
8. Scarlett Johansson
9. Giselle Bündchen
10. Penélope Cruz
11. Beyoncé Knowles
12. Natalie Portman
13. Charlize Theron
14. Halle Berry
    
15. Cate Blanchett
    

Kate is a better actress than Penélope but no way is she more glamourous, you know? And Tina Fey and America Ferrera make the list, too. Basically it's a "most popular women" list. Lists have no meaning but they're addictive anyway, I confess. Here I am typing away about another inconsequential one.

Someone help meéeee.
*

Red Carpet Lineup. Hot Streaks

We haven't done a fashion lineup in a while, so here goes...some ladies walking the flashbulb-lined red this past week.


Even though Rumer Willis (who turns 21 this summer) is not what you'd call traditionally beautiful I admire that her public persona often screams "I'm hot shit!" I think you have to respect that. Martha Plimpton is hot shit on Broadway (where she's currently enjoying her 3rd consecutive TONY nomination) if nowhere else. But isn't Broadway enough? She seemed to give up on her dwindling movie career just as the new decade began. It pisses me off that most people only think Goonies! when they see her because, helloooo, she was so good in other 80s gems like Shy People, Mosquito Coast and Running on Empty back in her River Phoenix days. And though I barely recall it I seem to remember that she was hilarious in 200 Cigarettes (1999). Does anyone remember that holiday comedy?

Anne Hathaway is fierce. It's like she just stepped out of the opening credits of Dynasty -- loves it.

Audrey Tatou is... I have to admit I don't really get her though she was cute in Le Fabuleux Destin d'Amélie. I'm vaguely curious about (Le Fabuleux Destin de...) Coco Avant Chanel but isn't it weird how there's always a glut with bios? First the Shirley Maclaine TV movie and now this AND Coco Chanel & Igor Stravinsky. No Coco and then Coco tripled.

And I have to give credit when it's due: Renée Zellweger looked amazing at the Met Costume Ball. I'm totally confused. Gone is the weird 'she'll break in half' hot mess we've been seeing for years. The skin looks fresh, the dress is flattering... the eyes are open! It's a small miracle.

I've hidden Kerry Washington behind Renée because none of us should have to see that dress full on. Y'all know I've been rooting for Kerry for years but if she doesn't ascend in some memorable way in the next two years I don't think it's ever going to happen. She's got three movies on the way: Life is Hot in Cracktown with other semi-famous B & C listers, A Thousand Words with Eddie Murphy and what looks like an important supporting role in the acting showcase Mother & Child starring Annette Bening and Naomi Watts.

Marisa Tomei is here because I'm addicted. Why isn't everyone? I don't understand why she doesn't have 12 projects lined up post Wrestler. And as StinkyLulu pointed out -- here's to her longevity. She's been Oscar nominated in her 20s, 30s and 40s -- a rare feat. It's like Cher with #1 singles. Here's to a fourth Oscar nomination once Marisa hits her fifties.

And finally, one more note on "Miss Golden Globe 2008" (that'd be Rumer). She co-stars in her mother's directorial debut, a short film called Streak (pictured right). Brittany Snow plays an uptight sorority girl who is always counting calories and making herself miserable. One day she meets free spirit Rumer. There's some lesbo subtext/teasing and eventually the girls end up streaking together across campus. Streak beats you over the head with a 'love your body no matter what you weigh!' message but then when Brittany finally does love her body, stripping off her clothes in a moment of joyous abandon, we only see her from the neck up. It's total Message Dysmorphia. It's... unfortunate.

Love your extra lbs ... from the neck up!

I'm sorry Demi. I still love you. xoxo
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Hump Day Hotties, Nathaniel's Favs!

Onesies beats twosies but nothing beats three.


Pure joy (tripled). I'm especially pleased that between them they have three Oscars!
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For the record... If we'd been doing this in the 1980s, Melanie Griffith would have occupied the same treasured room in the Film Experience mansion currently occupied by Hilary Swank in the Aughts (she won't move out!). I completely understand what Antonio Banderas has always seen in her, don't you?! The cinema was a better place when he dumped that hack Pedro Almodóvar for Melanie's possessive embraces and the opportunity to make Hollywood classics like Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever, Never Talk to Strangers, Original Sin, My Mom's New Boyfriend, Play it to the Bone, Two Much (was ever a film more aptly titled?) and The 13th Warrior.

April Fools!