"I Heard of It" The Pull of The Familiar

Year after year I continue to be stunned by the near omnipotence of familiarity when it comes to ticket purchasing. With so much media noise about "what's good" in the form of blogs, reviews, articles, and whatnot, it's still nearly always marketing dollars and pre-established "names" that determine what people spend their money on. Even when people didn't like one movie in a franchise, they'll go again. I've previously referred to this as The Blockbuster Loop.

Actual conversation overheard in an elevator last weekend:

Movieless Woman: What's that?
Bootleg Loving Woman: [Holding a bootleg DVD of Prince of Persia] It's good.
Movieless: [Pointing at Jake Gyllenhaal] Who's that?
Bootleg: The Prince! It's good.
Movieless: You watched it already?
Bootleg: No, we watching it tonight. It's good.
Movieless: How do you know?
Bootleg: [exasperated] I heard of it.
Movieless: [pause] I wanna see that Robin Hood.

The conversation continued briefly after this. "Movieless" had not heard of Prince of Persia (or Jakey apparently). So "Bootleg" turned to me (!), the complete stranger eavesdropping, for backup. "It's good, right???"

Reader, I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders, feigning ignorance. That's what's called a leading question and I don't think she was looking for critical discourse.

What struck me most about the conversation was the equation of "heard of" = "good." Even Movieless, deprived all of these years of Jake Gyllenhaal, confirmed this. Hadn't heard of equalled skeptical. She wanted to see Robin Hood; "Heard of" = "Good". Everyone has heard of Robin Hood. Therefore Good. That's how it works. Honestly, have you ever met anyone who loves that movie? How did it do so well? It wasn't word of mouth. It was the 'I heard of it' [sic] factor.

Top Ten of 2010 Thus Far

1. Alice in Wonderland [heard of it x all living things + Johnny Depp]
2. Iron Man 2 [heard of it x everyone who was conscious during Summer 2008]
3. How to Train Your Dragon
   
4. Shrek Forever After [heard of it x past nine years]
5. Clash of the Titans [remake + 3D fad + hey, it's jakesully]
6. Shutter Island [heard of x Leonardo DiCaprio + hit book]
   
7. Valentine's Day [heard of x at least a few of the cast members]
   
8. Date Night [heard of x two mega small screen stars]
   
9. The Book of Eli [heard of x Denzel Washington]
10. Robin Hood [heard of it x all living things + Russell Crowe]

Just about the only arguable exception here is How To Train Your Dragon but even that is based on a hit children's book. Incidentally, of the top ten of the year so far it's the film that has had the slowest profit decline from week to week. It's now just 2 million away from becoming Dreamworks biggest animated feature outside of the Shrek franchise. So the "heard of it" factor is really about what it's about in a better world which is your classic garden variety Word of Mouth.

Some established brands, sequels, adaptations. B.O. rank for 2010 thus far

Once you fall a little further in the box office race, the familiarity begins to fade... a little, with more titles that aren't completely reliant on instant familiarity. But it's still an important factor. Consider the success of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. (While it's only earned $7 million here in the States, that's a huge fortune in the current climate for subtitled features where films are lucky to hit the million dollar mark. That's three times what Let The Right One In earned in its US run and that film seemed like a Word of Mouth sensation. It would have easily hit 8 figures a decade ago when audiences were so much more willing to see foreign films). The Girl... is of course based on an international best seller. It's hard to go a day on the subway without seeing someone reading it. Heard of it!

If I were a young filmmaker with a truly original voice, I'd be sorely tempted to "reinterpret" some famous story or adapt a minor success book. Perhaps pre-established familiarity with an original spin is the best way to maintain your creativity and get noticed?

Revised Experience: Kissing Jake Gyllenhaal

I saw Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time on Friday. Two days later I remember virtually nothing save Jake's sandy contours and... uh...uh... well, he pretty!

"don't push your luck"

I do remember two other things: first, the noticeable video gaming levels (helpfully divided into location chapters onscreen) and second, Gemma Arterton's impossibly puffed up lips. While no one will ever challenge Angelina Jolie for authentic inflated labial beauty, Gemma's get a ton of screentime and when the very caucasion couple actually lip-locked in the middle of a mystical Arabian sandstorm, there was scattered giggling in the theater.

Kissing Jake Gyllenhaal is almost never a laughing matter (people are more likely to cry from it. Read on) but the movie had given Gemma so many "OMG!!! I'm almost kissing Jake Gyllenhaal" false alarms that it played like those countdown moments in bad thrillers where you see the bomb counter at 10 seconds and a whole minute of screen time later it's suddenly 3-2-1 dramatic. Movie time is infinitely flexible so why shouldn't Gemma and Jake stop to make out while Ben Kingsley is about to lay waste to the entire world. Kingsley is phoning it in anyway. He's not exactly in a rush to complete his dastardly mission.

What follows is the classic TFE post from 2007, touched up a little. Since this was first published Jake's lips have really slowed down. In the past 3 years he's only kissed Reese Witherspoon, Natalie Portman and now Gemma.

Jack Twist hasn't had a great couple of years onscreen. Let's kiss him better.


Fans are so fickle. The internet's collective 2006 boyfriend often gets a cold shoulder now. In 2007 he starred in two underperforming movies (the excellent Zodiac and the political drama Rendition) causing haters to question his bankability. He hasn't been seen much since --onscreen at least -- paparazzi pics aside. Pop culture cheaters went out seeking new objects of lust. Meanwhile, Jake grew a beard despite the rumors that that was entirely redundant.

Yet, through all of this, he remains entirely kissable.

We should all still love him. For what male movie star is as soft, cuddly and gorgeous? You may have only thought about kissing Jake Gyllenhaal while you were sitting in a movie theater (Jena Malone plays your proxy to the right) but you can kiss this movie star anywhere and in many different ways.

Consider the abundant photographic evidence. Jena enthusiastically demonstrates...


She suggests brazenly planting one on him outside your high school or at lame parties. He's shy at first but Jena guarantees he warms up in the bedroom.

Gwyneth Paltrow, who must be a Gyllenhaalic herself (unless my count is wrong she has shared the most screen liplocks with the man himself), concurs:


Lord knows why she starts crying once she gets Jake naked.

...from happiness?

But yeah, he does have that effect on people.

(It's because of Jake that he's like this. He's nothing... he's nowhere)

But, consequences be damned, Gyllenhaal must be kissed: violently, tenderly, with guilt or lust... it hardly matters. It must be done.


Even if you don't feel that way about Jake (what's wrong with you?), it's so easy to love him. Like a son... like a brother. You don't even have to come to him. He'll plant one on you.


I never thought I'd say this but Emmy Rossum and Gemma Arterton may well be the smartest human beings on earth. If the world is ending... by all means grab Mr. Gyllenhaal and make out in the glow of a fire or magical sand column. It's your last chance!!!





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previously on Kissing: Isabelle Huppert "do not defile it with cliché", When George Met Mary It's a Wonderful Life, Marilyn Monroe "just you... nobody else but you", Volver 47 kisses in the first 15 minutes alone

previous "Gyllenhaalic" classics: Jack Twist Monologue * A History of ... Gyllenhaal * Totally Gratuitous Jake Gyllenhaal *

Prince Gyllenhaal

One of the things I've never quite understood about videogames turned movies is how you're supposed to play them.

But I miss Jake Gyllenhaal so here he is all acrobatic like in The Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

More Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time Info

I haven't yet read any internet opinions about this new trailer, so haven't a clue what the consensus is but if it's hugely negative, I'm here to say that that's just silly. This looks exactly like the other video games turned movies (Tomb Raider) or movies that seem like they're based on video games even when they're not (The Mummy... or wait, was that?). They're all marketed in this same bombastic way with loud music, "fun" bits and CGI heavy promises of spectacle. Though I can't remember offhand if most trailers for films of this genre spend this much time describing the plot (which I feel safe in assuming will turn out to be unneccesarily complicated and utterly inconsequential to whether or not the movie works)

I'm feeling weirdly defensive in advance... even though I don't think it looks very good.

Would you rather be buried in sand... or internet ridicule?

Most of what I read on the internet these days seems to have a touch of the anti-Gyllenhaal to it (be it involving Maggie or Jake) and I don't want to see another repeat of that weird collective sudden loathing that happened to Kirsten Dunst a few years back. I hate it when that happens. There's usually little in the way of real or defensible reasons why people turn against actors that vehemently. I find that it's often based on perceptions of their public persona rather than their work and/or it's about one movie which the actor in question wasn't suited for in some way. Then people get weirdly resistant to believing that the actor will be enjoyable in another context. Not liking Maggie Gyllenhaal because she was annoying in The Dark Knight, for example, is utterly self-defeating. You would end up depriving yourself of abundant fantastic performances. Anyway, it comes down to this: I am an unrepentant Gyllenhaalic. I've never cared whether actors are "in" or "out" only whether they have talent and whether they do things for me onscreen when I'm sitting in the dark watching them. Jake often does. So, for better or worse, I'll end up seeing this next summer.

Only 445 Days Until...

Gyllenhaalics see their Prince of Persia in motion.

[Thanks, JA]

But for now still photos will have to do.
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You Look Like You Need a Link

Bad and the Ugly Johnny Depp as Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland. Or is the photo a fake? Discuss
The Big Picture on why Twilight came from Summit rather than a big studio
Den of Geek has a list of 75 comic books on their way to the screen -- god help us all
In Contention Kris waits and waits for the Oscar contenders
Defamer Helen Mirren: 'saucy cougar or grandmother who says totally inappropriate things'
Drawn! old Star Wars storyboards
A Room of One's Own makes a curious case for Amy Adams
OMG Actress/comedienne Wanda Sykes comes out of the closet
Gold Derby Oscar Documentary finalists. Go Trouble the Water ! Win that thing (not that it will but I can dream. More on this race later when I have more time.

And I have to share this soul-destroying clip on Prince of Persia (coming in 2010) from ET (thanks Topless Robot) on account of it... well. I don't know quite why I'm sharing it. Whim? Untreated Gyllenhaalism? Jake's "muscle implants" maybe.



This movie looks t-e-r-r-i-b-l-e (not that most on set 'making of's don't make their movies look cheap and badly costumed and whatnot. But that Bruckheimer reference to Lawrence of Arabia doesn't inspire generous feelings, you know?