Just Link With It.

/Film Chris Evans offered Captain America? I like Evans but I hope his management doesn't take this as some sort of sign that they were right to ween him off of the beefcake. He did it so well. That'd be like asking Hollywood's young actresses not to maximize the power of their cleavage. That'd be wrong. It'd be positively un-American!
Dear Jesus offers alternative Alice in Wonderlands she'd prefer to Tim Burton's.
Just Jared Penélope Cruz's role in 4th Pirates of the Caribbean revealed
i09 Enver Gjokaj (Dollhouse's MVP) is headlining a new web series he describes as "Twin Peaks Meets Clue" Two great tastes... but will they taste great together?
Film Essent Uppity liberal Kym Voynar lets Mississipi have it for cancelling their prom. GO KYM! (Now, I realize she spells her name "Kim" but after Rachel Getting Married I'm just changing the spelling for everyone else now. You're welcome, Kym Basinger!).
Guardian pokes fun at the Best Actress Oscar Curse. How should today's A-Listers avoid it?
IFC Some people don't want to let Precious-bashing go. It's a handy way for them to feel superior to those who love it. But the blatant willingness to disregard any element of a movie that doesn't fit your critical thesis (in write-ups like this and those before it) only reminds me of the sick state of US politics. It's all spin.

bummer news (for me at least)...

Keith, Sunday and Nicole at some airport or another last week

I was all ready to roar back to the Nashville Film Festival next month (I'm on the New Directors jury) when I got the bad news. Nicole Kidman, who was a likely attendee, will not *sniffle* be there after all. I don't know which upcoming movie is likely to blame for stealing her away (the travel-heavy lives of the rich, famous and well employed you know) but it better be a Moulin Rouge! and not a Stepford Wives if I have to go without her. It's hard to tell with Kidman because she always has so many projects lined up and the line-up is never very stable (not that anybody's is in Hollywood with start dates always shifting and people always bolting for new offers). After the grief drama Rabbit Hole (which she's already wrapped) there's the romantic comedy Just Go With It but that one is already filming and I'm assuming her role is small or even a cameo. Based on plot descriptions, Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler appear to be the leads. They're pretending to be a couple -- Sandler enlists Aniston to help win him some other girl -- which means that they are the real couple of the movie. You know how predictable rom-coms are. Somewhen during their charade, they'll realize that their pretend feelings are real!!! I'm sorry. I forgot to shout SPOILER. But you know as well as I do how these plots go.

Depp Double

At first glance this is just two geeks at Comic Con dressing up as favorite characters. That they're both Johnny Depp characters is the point. But then I realized they were a couple and so it was rather like seeing Johnny Depp in love with Johnny Depp. They do say that all the best movie stars are autoerotic but this might be taking it too far. Unfortunately this leads to thoughts of Willy Wonka and Captain Jack trysts and... and...

Jack: You're not a eunuch are you?

...this makes me quite uncomfortable. Quite.

The Scariest Place On Earth

Probably one of the main reasons Walt Disney World and Disneyland are so magical has a lot to do with animatronics - the robot like characters strewn throughout every park. Ducks, rabbits, fish, lions, pirates, ghosts and presidents designed down to the last finger twitch to look and act real. The technology may not be as impressive today, but the characters are still amazing. They're also really fricking creepy.

While I love the animatronics of Disney, I admire it from afar. I don't get too close to them, like I don't get too close to a wax statue, or a three foot antique doll displayed on a shelf in a house. There's always that fear that it will suddenly come to life and grab me. My greatest fear, and I mean greatest fear, is that I will be stuck in Pirates of the Caribbean, surrounded by countless robotic pirates. And maybe some kind of natural disaster happens (like a surprise hurricane?) so no one can get in, and the pirates have been knocked into the water but they continue to move. So I have to wade past all these moving robotic, lifelike pirates singing "yo ho, yo ho, a pirates life for me" to get to safety.

Did you just feel that shiver than ran up my spine?

I've come close to a nightmare like this. I was riding Splash Mountain at Disneyland when the ride shut down suddenly. We were underground and the music stopped but the animatronics did not. Now little woodland creatures are not as scary as full-figured pirates, but what really creeped me out was the sound of all their mouths clacking shut. The clacking continued for several minutes and I began to realize that a different version of my nightmare was actually coming to fruition right before my eyes. Just as I was assuming the fetal position and inserting my thumb in my mouth, a slew of Disneyland employees came in and escorted us out.

I was safe, but I may have wet myself a bit.

F/Xtra F/Xtra...

As many readers already know some less publicized Oscar categories have what’s referred to as “bake offs” in which the field of potential nominees is whittled down by committee. In some cases the remaining candidates show ‘vote for me!’ best-of clip reels before nominating members of the AMPAS vote for the official Oscar Nominee shortlist. Varying methods of this winnowing process happen in categories such as makeup and effects. Recently the always hotly debated foreign film category adopted the semi-finals game.

This year in Visual Effects (the one category that annually rewards the biggest blockbusters) seven finalists have survived the bakeoffs. Three of the following will be named nominees by the end of January.

300
The Bourne Ultimatum
Evan Almighty
<---The Golden Compass
I Am Legend
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End
Transformers

Did you just doze off? Are you nodding your head with sleepy eyes in awards fatigue induced apathy.

A little context might help wake you up. It’s far more interesting to view these finalists through the prism of what's already been vetoed. AMPAS voters wisely ignored the tacky CGI fests that were The Rise of the Silver Surfer and Stardust (neither of which made the semi-finals) . But among the semi-finalists that did not make the finals what is it that Spider-Man 3, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Ratatouille, Beowulf, Sunshine, Live Free or Die Hard and National Treasure: Book of Secrets and The Waterhorse: Legend or the Deep are lacking in relation to um... Evan Almighty?

Some of the rejected are givens. Few probably want to hear Waterhorse with a preface like "The Oscar Nominated..." But among the booted eight are some eye-popping wonders. What, pray tell, is lacking in Sunshine's visuals? Nothing I'd argue. Animated films never fare well here but my guess is Pixar's annual advancements in the CG Animation medium are statue worthy. It's nice to see old school effects like Bourne Ultimatum in the running but given the complete Casino Royale shut out last year, Bourne enthusiasts shouldn't get their hopes up.

And while we're on the subject of bake-offs, wouldn't it be great to have "best of" clip reels for all the categories for voters to ponder. Or, since 2007 cinema has been so retrograde about gender politics, how about a literal bake off for Best Actress. Angelina Jolie is an awesome movie star and humanitarian but can she bake a cherry pie?

The Chicken Of The Sea (Is Me)

JA of My New Plaid Pants here, wishing a very merry vacation to Nathaniel, along with much thanks for allowing me to spread my nonsense even further across this crazy world wide web.

Perhaps it’s just because I finally watched An Inconvenient Truth this week, but news of Shamu* trying to drown his trainer this morning is making me feel antsy. Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin gets stabbed in the heart by a stingray, there are giant jellyfish swarming off of the coast of Japan… well, is anyone else feeling a bit 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea these days?

Homer was really on to something making Odysseus & friends have to pass between Scylla and Charybdis way back when – is there anything creepier than the sensation of something slimy slithering past your foot when you’re submerged in water? And the movies have fully embraced exploiting the terror of what’s just beneath that glimmering water’s surface. From that giant squid piling onto the sub during the climactic scene of 20,000 Leagues, to its multi-million dollar CG brother, The Kraken, in this past summer’s blockbuster Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, we just need to face it: the sea monster is coming to get us all.

(*Okay, it wasn’t Shamu, it was another trained killer whale, named Kasatka, but it was in "Shamu Stadium" so close enough; if Shamu's lawyers contact me I'll make the necessary changes)

Here are some highlights from the sea monster’s many cinematic appearances through the years:

1933 – King Kong – The brontosaurus attacking the raft was always my favorite scene in the original, so I was pissed it got cut from Peter Jackson’s 12-hour remake. I guess something had to go so we could get more Jack Black mugging (the scene is apparently restored in the new, 47-hour DVD director's cut, though).

1954 – 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea – From IMDb: “Peter Lorre claimed that the giant squid got the role that was usually reserved for him.”

1955 - Bride of the Monster - Bela Lugosi wrestles with a plastic octopus in a mud puddle. (ETA - thanks to Steven @ The Horror Blog for the correction here - closet Wood fan no more!)

1966 – Godzilla Versus The Sea Monster – This is the one with the giant crab, right? All those Saturday matinee viewings have blended together. Godzilla giving the water-logged smack-down to a man in a crab costume was one of the more memorable moments, though.

1975 – Jaws – The shark, nicknamed Bruce, had three sequels written into his contract, so blame him!

1977 – Orca - A terrible Jaws rip-off, sure, but I think I must’ve seen it 20 times on HBO as a kid. Meaning that a key image of my development was a dying whale aborting its enormous fetus onto the deck of a ship. Hmm.

1981 – Piranha Part Two: The Spawning – Okay, the first movie’s actually a lot of cheesy fun, and I’ve never even seen the sequel - directed by JAMES CAMERON! sort of – but come on, the piranhas can fly! I vividly remember staring at the cover art for this movie in the video store as a kid, with the piranhas flapping their little fins and attacking people on the beach, and being mesmerized. I have to see this immediately.

1989 – The Abyss – James Cameron’s triumphant return to underwater thingamajigs!

1993 – Free Willy – Not exactly a monster movie, unless you felt your tear ducts were wrongly assaulted, but I know I'm not alone in having wished that damn fish would've ended up devouring that "lovable" little boy, right?

1997 – Anaconda – Jon Voight is REGURGITATED ALIVE. For this and this reason alone, this film will always hold a dear place in my (and probably Angelina Jolie’s) heart.

1999 – Deep Blue Sea – Thomas Jane. A pair of flimsy swimming trunks. A wet suit. Movie gold, people, movie gold.

2001 – Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring – Hobbits flung all akimbo by the Watcher in the Water. If that sentence is nothing but gobbledygook to you, you need to step up your geek-cred, my friend.

2003 – Finding Nemo – I still have nightmares about that mommy-eating barracuda in the opening scene.

2005 - The Squid and The Whale - Oh wait, nevermind.

2006 – Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest – The Kraken snaps ships into bits with his enormous tentacled arms… but is it capable of love?

January, 2007 – The Host – The Korean blockbuster gets released here in the States, and I’m already ready to buy my ticket. Have you seen the trailer? Jinkies!

I’m surely missing important ones here (say, Harry Hamlin in a mini-skirt, or Betty White feeding a cow to a mutant crocodile, for starters); leave your favorite sea monster moment in the comments!

The Chicken Of The Sea (Is Me)

JA of My New Plaid Pants here, wishing a very merry vacation to Nathaniel, along with much thanks for allowing me to spread my nonsense even further across this crazy world wide web.

Perhaps it’s just because I finally watched An Inconvenient Truth this week, but news of Shamu* trying to drown his trainer this morning is making me feel antsy. Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin gets stabbed in the heart by a stingray, there are giant jellyfish swarming off of the coast of Japan… well, is anyone else feeling a bit 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea these days?

Homer was really on to something making Odysseus & friends have to pass between Scylla and Charybdis way back when – is there anything creepier than the sensation of something slimy slithering past your foot when you’re submerged in water? And the movies have fully embraced exploiting the terror of what’s just beneath that glimmering water’s surface. From that giant squid piling onto the sub during the climactic scene of 20,000 Leagues, to its multi-million dollar CG brother, The Kraken, in this past summer’s blockbuster Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, we just need to face it: the sea monster is coming to get us all.

(*Okay, it wasn’t Shamu, it was another trained killer whale, named Kasatka, but it was in "Shamu Stadium" so close enough; if Shamu's lawyers contact me I'll make the necessary changes)

Here are some highlights from the sea monster’s many cinematic appearances through the years:

1933 – King Kong – The brontosaurus attacking the raft was always my favorite scene in the original, so I was pissed it got cut from Peter Jackson’s 12-hour remake. I guess something had to go so we could get more Jack Black mugging (the scene is apparently restored in the new, 47-hour DVD director's cut, though).

1954 – 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea – From IMDb: “Peter Lorre claimed that the giant squid got the role that was usually reserved for him.”

1955 - Bride of the Monster - Bela Lugosi wrestles with a plastic octopus in a mud puddle. (ETA - thanks to Steven @ The Horror Blog for the correction here - closet Wood fan no more!)

1966 – Godzilla Versus The Sea Monster – This is the one with the giant crab, right? All those Saturday matinee viewings have blended together. Godzilla giving the water-logged smack-down to a man in a crab costume was one of the more memorable moments, though.

1975 – Jaws – The shark, nicknamed Bruce, had three sequels written into his contract, so blame him!

1977 – Orca - A terrible Jaws rip-off, sure, but I think I must’ve seen it 20 times on HBO as a kid. Meaning that a key image of my development was a dying whale aborting its enormous fetus onto the deck of a ship. Hmm.

1981 – Piranha Part Two: The Spawning – Okay, the first movie’s actually a lot of cheesy fun, and I’ve never even seen the sequel - directed by JAMES CAMERON! sort of – but come on, the piranhas can fly! I vividly remember staring at the cover art for this movie in the video store as a kid, with the piranhas flapping their little fins and attacking people on the beach, and being mesmerized. I have to see this immediately.

1989 – The Abyss – James Cameron’s triumphant return to underwater thingamajigs!

1993 – Free Willy – Not exactly a monster movie, unless you felt your tear ducts were wrongly assaulted, but I know I'm not alone in having wished that damn fish would've ended up devouring that "lovable" little boy, right?

1997 – Anaconda – Jon Voight is REGURGITATED ALIVE. For this and this reason alone, this film will always hold a dear place in my (and probably Angelina Jolie’s) heart.

1999 – Deep Blue Sea – Thomas Jane. A pair of flimsy swimming trunks. A wet suit. Movie gold, people, movie gold.

2001 – Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring – Hobbits flung all akimbo by the Watcher in the Water. If that sentence is nothing but gobbledygook to you, you need to step up your geek-cred, my friend.

2003 – Finding Nemo – I still have nightmares about that mommy-eating barracuda in the opening scene.

2005 - The Squid and The Whale - Oh wait, nevermind.

2006 – Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest – The Kraken snaps ships into bits with his enormous tentacled arms… but is it capable of love?

January, 2007 – The Host – The Korean blockbuster gets released here in the States, and I’m already ready to buy my ticket. Have you seen the trailer? Jinkies!

I’m surely missing important ones here (say, Harry Hamlin in a mini-skirt, or Betty White feeding a cow to a mutant crocodile, for starters); leave your favorite sea monster moment in the comments!

Hump Day Hottie: Naomie Harris

It's time for Hump Day H-- What? Some people work Tuesday through Saturday schedules. They do. Actually this post is not just a day late. It's one week and a day late since I was going to post it for Ms. Harris's birthday last Wednesday.

I'll start by confessing that I almost never think of Naomie Harris. You've probably never read her name on this blog. But as I was watching Miami Vice a few weeks ago and she climbed into the shower with Jamie Foxx, their naked bodies pressing against each other, I thought to myself: Wait, is this Naomie Harris...the same Naomie Harris who was so fierce and masculine as a zombie killer opposite Cillian Murphy (another HDH'er) in 28 Days Later? And that zombie killer was played by the same actress that also transformed the potentially racist scary-voodoo-woman role in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest into such a showcase that you were anxious to see more of her in the sequel?

And then I decided I was becoming a fan because I had problems reconciling those very different roles with this unassuming pretty actress. And, because my mind wanders like this, I decided that I would love to see her play "Lhel" if they ever make a movie of this one fantasy book I love called The Bone Doll's Twin (not that they ever would) on account of said ability to subvert the racism inherent in the subcategory of "creepy magical roles meant for black women."


Plus, to state the painfully obvious: Pierce Brosnan wants to hit that.


Previous HDH Entries:
Hot on TV a countdown from "Agent Dale Cooper" to "Faith"
Channing Tatum steppin' up and out.
Hugh Jackman dancer, fighter, lover, father, actor, singer, god.
Uma Thurman from Liaisons to now: 18 years of hotness.
Cheyenne Jackson from Broadway to Hollywood.
Season One of HDH Jake Gyllenhaal, Thandie Newton, and more...

Tags:
naomie harris, movies, Miami Vice, film, voodoo

Hump Day Hottie: Naomie Harris

It's time for Hump Day H-- What? Some people work Tuesday through Saturday schedules. They do. Actually this post is not just a day late. It's one week and a day late since I was going to post it for Ms. Harris's birthday last Wednesday.

I'll start by confessing that I almost never think of Naomie Harris. You've probably never read her name on this blog. But as I was watching Miami Vice a few weeks ago and she climbed into the shower with Jamie Foxx, their naked bodies pressing against each other, I thought to myself: Wait, is this Naomie Harris...the same Naomie Harris who was so fierce and masculine as a zombie killer opposite Cillian Murphy (another HDH'er) in 28 Days Later? And that zombie killer was played by the same actress that also transformed the potentially racist scary-voodoo-woman role in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest into such a showcase that you were anxious to see more of her in the sequel?

And then I decided I was becoming a fan because I had problems reconciling those very different roles with this unassuming pretty actress. And, because my mind wanders like this, I decided that I would love to see her play "Lhel" if they ever make a movie of this one fantasy book I love called The Bone Doll's Twin (not that they ever would) on account of said ability to subvert the racism inherent in the subcategory of "creepy magical roles meant for black women."


Plus, to state the painfully obvious: Pierce Brosnan wants to hit that.


Previous HDH Entries:
Hot on TV a countdown from "Agent Dale Cooper" to "Faith"
Channing Tatum steppin' up and out.
Hugh Jackman dancer, fighter, lover, father, actor, singer, god.
Uma Thurman from Liaisons to now: 18 years of hotness.
Cheyenne Jackson from Broadway to Hollywood.
Season One of HDH Jake Gyllenhaal, Thandie Newton, and more...

Tags:
naomie harris, movies, Miami Vice, film, voodoo