"God of Carnage" The Movie

News this heavy with starry wattage and awarded source material spreads quickly. I'm sure you've heard this morning that Kate Winslet & Matt Dillon will square off with Jodie Foster & Christopher Waltz as the combative couples of Yasmine Reza's hilarious and occasionally disturbing four-hander, God of Carnage. Make that Roman Polanski's God of Carnage, since he's bound to make adjustments in the adaptation. I fear that they'll add characters and scenes and lose the play's intense get-me-outta-here vibe... all in the name of "opening it up" as a movie. But perhaps I worry for nothing. Polanski has shown skill at non-literal claustrophic material in the past. In the play two sets of parents meet up cordially to discuss a school fight between their children and the way it breaks down, everyone basically breaks down. The play is entirely set in the living room of one of the couples and takes place in real time.

James Gandolfini, Hope Davis, Marcia Gay Harden and Jeff Daniels
in Broadway's God of Carnage (2009)

Polanski is a reliable auteur and all four actors are strong but I still have to worry. It's my nature. I'm hoping that everyone involved understands first and foremost that it's a comedy. This type of material could easily fall apart if it loses its satiric edge and embraces the dramatic too willfully. If it does, people will just be like "ugh. these people are so immature. I hate them!" and you know how the public reacts to characters they don't like.

Pray for Jodie to pull this off!

The most intriguing casting choice has to be Jodie Foster, who I assume is taking on the Tony-winning Marcia Gay Harden role. I would haved loved to have seen Harden get this shot on the big screen but they rarely let people transfer... even Oscar winning people who aren't bankable. Anyway, Foster knows from claustrophic environs (Panic Room, Flight Plan, Silence of the Lambs) but she hasn't spent much time honing her comic gifts and this character is, at least in my experience of the play, the fulcrum point. She's full of abundant pretense and holier-than-thou speechifying and she'd be utterly detestable and annoying if she weren't also so funny and so endearingly a complete emotional wreck. It's just a killer role.

I'm glad the two time Oscar winner will be truly challenging herself for the first time in well over a decade but if you rest you rust and I hope she's up to the challenge.
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Yes, No, Maybe So: Green Hornets and Blue Smurfs

Stepping away from the Oscar bait trailers for a moment, let's take a spin on the color wheel. Will you have blue (The Smurfs) or green (The Green Hornet) or will you going to hold out for something red or purple?

Let's apply the Film Experience's trailer treatment Yes, No, Maybe So™ to both starting with The Green Hornet (2011).



Yes It's directed by Michel Gondry who made movies as visually singular as Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and The Science of Sleep and as energetic and fun as Dave Chappelle's Block Party. Plus, Christoph Waltz is the villain and we already know what he can do in that department.
No But... I'm confused. Could this look any more generic? It looks like Stephen Sommers or Mark Steven Johnson directed it, yes? The plot seems to be some weird mishmash of Batman and Kick-Ass instead of a Green Hornet story. Finally that 3D tag at the end just depresses. I have nothing against 3D but it's just starting to feel like a desperate peer pressure crutch at this point, like wearing the same brand name jeans/shoes as everyone else lest the kids at school make fun of you. If you're a gifted stylist like Gondry, do you really want to be aping other people's looks?

Maybe So Perhaps the trailer purposefully looks generic to rope in people who are scared of visual originality (i.e. unfortunately large percentage of moviegoers)? Also, remember when Jay Chou (Kato) was lusting after his hot mom Gong Li in The Curse of The Golden Flower. No? Okay I'm stretching but maybe he'll be good? But then I'm back to no. Because why does Kato still have to be a manservant in 2010? Think about it: Kato has the knowledge, the weapons and mad crime fighting skill. Plus he has to teach the bumbling rich white boy. So why isn't the white boy the sidekick? Please to explain.

And... The Smurfs (2011)



Yes Well, the cast (not featured here but for Neil Patrick Harris) is interesting.
No Jesus! Is that really Tone Loc's "Wild Things" playing underneath the lalalas? This was made in what decade exactly? If this is all they got did they really need to release a teaser already?
Maybe So Live action mixed with animation once produced Who Framed Roger Rabbit and that's a totally classic comedy so maybe...

oh, never mind. NO to the lot of ya.

Are you a yes, no, or maybe so on these two?
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Christoph Waltz Gives an Award for a Change

<--- Oh look. Christoph Waltz, finally tiring of receving awards for Inglourious Basterds, is now giving them out. There he is (left) giving Best Actress to barefoot Sibel Kekilli at Germany's Oscars "The Lolas". I've never seen anyone accepting a Best Actress trophy while barefoot before but I hope to see someone do so sometime real soon.

If you've never heard the name Sibel Kekilli before, please do yourself a favor and rent Fatih Akin's erotic drama Head On (aka Gegen die Wand) She's got thunderclap force in that movie.
The Winners
Picture (Silver), Editing & Score: Hans-Christian Schmid's Storm, a war crime drama
Picture (Bronze) & Actress: When We Leave starring Sibel Kekilli
Supporting Actor: Justus von Dohnnanyi in Men in the City.
Children's Film: Lena Olbrich & Christian Becker's Vorstadtkrokodile which translates to something like Suburban Crocodiles
Documentary: Ernst Ludwig Ganzert and Ulli Pfau's The Heart of Jenin about a Palestinian father who donates his son's organs to Israeli children even though his son was killed by Israeli soldiers.
Lifetime Achievement: writer/producer Bernd Eichinger

But the night's big winner was The White Ribbon

Picture (Gold), Director, Screenplay, Actor (Burghart Klaussner, "The Pastor"), Supporting Actress (Maria-Victoria Dragus, "Klara"), Cinematography, Costumes, Art Direction, Makeup & Sound: Ten (that's right, ten!) statues went to Michael Haneke's Oscar nominee. That's a record. The previous Lola champ (winning nine) was the wonderful Goodbye Lenin! (2003) starring Daniel Brühl which had, like The White Ribbon after it, a very successful run in the international marketplace.

I was surprised to read the Supporting Actress winner. The White Ribbon had many fine small performances but the statue winner was neither the abused daughter (Roxane Duran) nor the humiliated midwife (Susanne Lothar, who was nominated as Best Actress instead). It also wasn't the teacher's sweet girlfriend (Leonie Benesch) or the rich baroness (Ursina Lardi). The winner was the manipulative leader of that creepy flock of school children that may be sabotaging everyone in town. "Forgive us Father."

Back to Sibel to wrap up. We've also never seen a Best Actress Oscar winner sit down on stage after winning. For all their 'I'm going to faint/cry' affectations, nobody actually collapses!

RCL: Chloe, Clint, Christopher and Charlize, Pleaze.

Red Carpet Lineup: each monday (oops, it's Wednesday!) a random batch of movie peeps out and about. Who is Where and Why? And What (are they wearing)?


from left to right: Chloe Moretz just turned 13 and she'll be ubiquitous before anyone can decide whether they want to see her constantly. I have only seen her in (500) Days of Summer in which she essayed the beyond cliche role of "little person who is wiser than adults", a blight on an otherwise great movie. I can't blame her for that exactly but I hate that there's no ümläüts (or whatever the heck they're called) hanging over her name. And that I CAN blame her for. It's spelled Chloë, right big mouth? The fanboys already love "Chloe" [sic] in advance for being "Hit Girl" in Kick-Ass . That's the movie she's been out promoting this week here with shiny checkers (dress) and snarky accessory (face). She will soon be seen as the thirsty child vamp in Let Me In, the disastrous* remake of Let The Right One In; Emma Thompson brought a pig to the premiere of Nanny McPhee 2: Mole Harder in London. I adore Emma and her wit but I just don't want to see her unrecognizably uglied down for a movie. That's just the way it is. I like my movie stars to look like their beautiful selves. It's kind of what I live for. Emma recently spilled her heart out for a BBC radio show about her 90s divorce from Kenneth Branagh; Clint Eastwood was out for a meal with friends looking pretty spry. He becomes an octogenarian this May and he's still cranking out two movies a year. Bless (yes, I'm feeling generous today. It's partially because my favorite filmmakers I'm interested in tend to sit on their asses for YEARS between projects and I just don't get it). Clint's supernatural thriller Hereafter, arrives in theaters in December 2010. When else? You can probably expect Hoover, the biopic, in December 2011.

*I'm guessing. I mean, the ONLY logical reason for its existence is to sell it to people who can't read.


from left to right: Christoph Waltz is STILL collecting awards for Inglourious Basterds. This time it was the Jameson Empire Award in London. At one point does he cease being a professional actor and become a professional trophy collector? I believe this makes #26; Blanca Portillo was at the "Union de Actores" event in Madrid (is that like Spain's SAG awards? Anyone?). She's so good in Almodóvar movies (Broken Embraces and especially Volver) but I haven't yet seen her elsewhere. I'm hoping that our Spanish-speaking readers can tell us other roles of note?; Young French star Tahar Rahim, all of 28, is still out selling Un Prophete but he's already lined up new projects after that extremely well received breakthrough. Next up: The Eagle of the Ninth with Channing Tatum and then back to the arthouse for Cool Water by Emir Kusturica; Finally we conclude with Charlize Theron looking disco glam at an evening honoring Matt Damon. I've been meaning to talk about Charlize anyway...

Charlize Theron is 34. I don't know why this is but I often think of her as an older actress.



I don't mean this in the reductive Hollywood way of "let's look for a younger version, now!" or in the "she looks old for her age" way. I mean that if you asked me to place her with a group of peers I'd forget about the Gyllenhaals and the Witherspoons and put her with the Kidmans, Hayeks, Cruzs and Berrys of the world... all of whom are older. And whatever their future achievements may be, those actresses feel finished... "finished" as in fully formed, not as in "over." Don't freak out!

But who is Charlize Theron exactly? More than possibly any A list actress, I'm not sure that she has a star persona. I think she's very talented but in truth I don't often think of her and I never think "that's a Charlize Theron role right there!" In their mid 30s actresses often become forever who audiences will always think of them as. But what do we think of Charlize as. Other than "beautiful" perhaps. But that describes everyone.

<--- Theron in Sleepwalking

Does anyone else feel this disconnect? I think the problem may lie with Monster. Quality of the performance aside, it has gobbled up her career and she looked nothing like CHARLIZE THERON while acting in it, so it could it ever truly be definitive for her? In roughly 2/3rds of Sophie's Choice, for example (the definitive Meryl Streep performance if you will) she looks EXACTLY like everyone's Great Thespian Regal Beauty Fantasy of MERYL STREEP. When people conjure up images of Audrey Hepburn and her style, aren't they picturing her in Breakfast at Tiffany's fashions?

So when we think of Theron what do we think of?

What's your take on her career? I think she needs to step it up and seek out challenging roles that aren't downbeat. She's an excellent dramatician (see: Monster, Sleepwalking, North Country) but whenever she's in dramas they seem to be of very limited dour rage and they seem to require that she downplay her beauty. Where are the roles that require all of her parts and not the absence of pieces of her like her beauty, wit and energy? When she isn't dressing down onscreen, she seems to be coasting through doing things that any one of her peers could do just as well (Hancock). I'm not sure I understand her career at all. Do you?

Do you think she has more to show us... and more she should show us, after 15 years on the silver screen?
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And the Winner Is... Christoph Waltz (Oscar's Undefined Category)

Oops, I forgot to cover Best Supporting Actor in my "best Oscar wins of past decade" list that we did for supporting actress, actress and actor. Now that the 2009 film year has its statues... the decade lists can finally wrap. Christoph Waltz swept nearly all of the 30ish (?) prizes that are given out each film year (from minor critics organizations to precursors to the big one itself, Oscar) but it didn't get tiring to see him win for his evil Nazi because he never repeated a speech. A neat trick that more sweepers should try and master.

Like Mo'Nique, another deserved sweeper, I do find it interesting to imagine what would have happened had he not been around this year. If Inglourious Basterds hadn't opened, would it have been Woody Harrelson (The Messenger) vs. Christopher Plummer (The Last Station) down to the finish line? Or does the whole chemistry of a category change if one element is removed? Theorize with me in the comments.

My favorite Oscar wins in supporting actor this decade are the following...


...with apologies to Jim Broadbent in Iris (2001). He was fantastic, sure, and he won at exactly the right time in his career (a rarity!) but I just wish it had been for his other 2001 picture... the one wherein he did backflips as master of ceremonies.

The favorites lists above means, just like in supporting actress, I feel that Oscar has had a weird three-year streak of tremendously good taste in what is undoubtedly the category in which they have the worst taste, historically speaking. At least as far as the makeup of their shortlists goes.

If Oscars were only handed out once a decade, I have no idea what my ballot would look like (tho' Chris Cooper's tremendous turn in Adaptation would surely be there). Looking over my own lists I seem to have lots of categorization problems. Oscar's own predilection for deeming lead roles supporting has resulted in lots of blurring and confusing of the lines and weirdly inconsistent reactions to the same, even from me, a known loudmouth opponent of their desire to pretend that people like "Robert Ford" are not the leads of three hour movies called The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford or that people who are in every scene of their movie are "supporting" bigger stars who are in only every other scene. Anyway... I can find few lists of my own OR Oscars that aren't all troubled with the "what is supporting?" concept and I am now completely fatigued of the troubles.

NEXT!

Oscars in Review: worst & weirdest moments, most wonderful moments and all 09/10 awards season posts
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Chapters Six, Seven, And Beyond

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JA from MNPP here, wishing everybody a very happy Basterds Day! It's like Bastille Day, only... terd-ier? (Ugh, my apologies, I'm on cold medicine here.) Anyway I am taking this opportunity to take a look at seven members of QT's Inglourious cast and see what they're up to next (besides that Inglourious sequel/prequel that Quentin will talk about for years but never make). But the cast's upcoming projects here are of distinct interest since everybody knows that once you've starred in a Tarantino picture, your career just explodes straight into the stratosphere! (Example A - Pam Grier. Oh... wait. Riiiight. Well at least she got to play a decapitated lesbian in John Carpenter's worst movie!) So let's see what these folks have got lined up for the future...

Brad Pitt - Lt. Aldo Raine - Brad Pitt, being Brad effing Pitt, hasn't really got a shortage of projects in the pipeline. In fact he's got six projects listed as being in some sort of production - ranging from Terrence Malick's The Tree of Life, purportedly out sometime this year (though they said the same thing last year), to Moneyball, a movie about the fascinating revolution in baseball drafting through statistical analysis (yeah I fell asleep already too). And after that there are 20 more projects in some form of development (A Steve McQueen biopic? Sure, why the heck not!).

Mélanie Laurent - Shoshanna Dreyfus - I can't imagine her plate won't pile up with credits in a post-Basterds world - although QT's magic touch seems to work longer stronger magic on the fellas (see: John Travolta's woefully extended career versus Uma Thurman's) - but for now she's starring opposite Jean Reno in a French film called La rafle (The Round Up) about a shameful event in French history where their government handed 13,000 over to the Nazis, and Beginners, a film by the director of Thumbsucker, starring Laurent and Ewan McGregor which has already sparked gossipy gossip when she dared be seen (heavens no!) walking around with married Ewan in (no!) public. Da noive!

Christoph Waltz - Col. Hans Landa - First step, Oscar glory! After that he's nemesis'ing Seth Rogen in The Green Hornet for Michel Gondry and abusing Reese Witherspoon in the circus in Water For Elephants, aka that book that I saw everyone reading on the subway a couple of years ago. Anyway it sounds like discovering his inner demon's good for his career, then. And for cinema!

Eli Roth - Sgt. Donny Donowitz - Y'all are just dying to hear what The Bear Jew's up to next, aren't ya? I knew it! Well even though he's now the proud owner of a SAG award, after a brief side-trip to cameo-ville in Alexander Aja's remake of Piranha it appears he'll be sticking behind the screen for a bit (when he isn't jerking off with his fans on Twitter, natch) - he's been talking up a big science-fiction project called Endangered Species as well as a long-form version of his Grindhouse trailer Thanksgiving for ages now. We'll see what comes of any of it. With bated breath I'm sure!

Michael Fassbender - Lt. Archie Hicox - Next up for the sexy Mr. Michael Fassbender is a role as a sexy Roman soldier in Centurion by the director of The Descent, which is out sometime this Spring. Then he'll be a sexy villain tormenting Josh Brolin in Jonah Hex this Summer. Then a sexy commando in Soderbergh's Knockout, then a sexy Rochester in an adaptation of Jane Eyre by the director of Sin Nombre... and then many more sexy somethings for the rest of his sexy life. Sexy, sexy. Exhaustively so.

Diane Kruger - Bridget von Hammersmarck - Perhaps like most of us I just hadn't been paying attention to anything Kruger did before she wowed us in Basterds, because I had been paying some attention to the film Mr. Nobody for a bit - it stars Sarah Polley and Sarah Polley is one of my (many) weaknesses - and I'd never even noticed that Kruger was even in it. But now that I see she is in it this makes me happy! Because she's suddenly revealed herself to be awesome. She's also currently filming a movie with the director of Orphan, which also makes this here geek squeal. Esther 2.0!

Daniel Brühl - Pvt. Fredrick Zoller - Adorable Danny Brühl is currently filming opposite Charlotte Rampling and Pushing Daisies' Anna Friel in Jon Amiel's new film The Angel Makers, described as a dark comedy about British soldiers returning from war to find German POWs having taken over their homes (and beds, and ladies in said beds). Co-starring in this movie are beautiful Tom Tykwer-alums Benno Fuhrmann and Moritz Bleibtreu...


If I hadn't done this post I don't know when I would've heard about this, and everything about this cast is exquisite catnip to me, so I am very happy to have discovered this thing's existence. Thanks, Danny!
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Lunch With... Colonel Hans Landa

It's Inglourious Basterds Day. Theme days until Hollywood's big night.

Lunch with new acquaintances should be fun if not entirely relaxing. You definitely want to get to know each other but still, it shouldn’t feel like an interrogation. Next time before accepting an “invitation” like Shoshanna did in Paris, you might want to reconsider. Not that she had much of a choice.

You’ve surely noticed that Landa’s refreshment breaks always involve dairy -- a glass of milk, a dollop of cream -- “Attendez la Crème!” But what makes this scene in Inglourious Basterds so amazing (it's my second favorite after this one) is that his amiability isn't sweet at all but curdled.


This strudel may well be delicious, but if your dining companion isn't what you'd hoped for you won’t have the appetite for it. Shoshanna doesn’t enjoy this one but at least she gets sweet revenge later on. Landa will get his just dessert.

Related Posts: Breakfast With...

BAFTA Live! TapeDelay-Blogging

Nathaniel: Hey, kids. It's probably not sane to "tape-delay" blog the BAFTAs -- you probably already know who one, actually -- but this blog isn't exactly of sound mind during awards season (or, ahem, otherwise). I haven't heard about the winners yet. The second I opened a browser I sensed spoilers from all corners so I had to look away. Why doesn't the BBC-America broadcast it live? It's not like anyone who cares wouldn't watch it in the afternoon on a Sunday. But if you've already heard who won on the internet wouldn't that cut down your desire to tune in and thus lower the ratings? I don't get it. So that they could rerun broadcass of nature documentary Life of Mammals? I don't really care about the sharpness of a squirrel's front teeth or how kangaroo rats (omg. idon'tevenknow whatthoseare and I DON'T WANT TO KNOW) store their seeds. Especially not when movie stars are afoot. Someone get me a BBC executive on the phone!

I've also invited txtcritic, who liveblogged the SAGs for me when I was at Sundance, to join me for this event.

"I was hoping for a bigger laugh"

txtcritic: this is already dreadful.

Nathaniel: Whenever they do these collages of best moments from the year, why are they always the films that aren't nominated that get all the time? If they're so great, nominate them!

txtcritic: because clearly the most memorable movie moments of the year were featured in "Nine," "The Men Who Stare at Goats," "The Boat That Rocked" and "Coco Before Chanel."

txtcritic: Yaaaaay! "Moon" finally wins something!

Colin Firth presents an early award to Duncan Jones

Nathaniel: And that'd be the Best Debut Something Or Other. That's actually the title of the category. It was very schizo. The internet film community has been rooting for David Bowie's little boy all grown up (writer/director Duncan Jones) all year so a million facebook statuses just changed simultaneously.

I'm guessing.

txtcritic: If they play this "I See You" song every time "Avatar" wins an award tonight, I might not make it through the evening. Christ almighty.

Nathaniel: Sixty percent of the people in my apartment watching this awards show right now have NOT seen this movie yet. Where am I? Who am I?

txtcritic: They're showing clips from behind-the-scenes of "Avatar," and watching Sam Worthington and Zoe Saldana having to seriously act with emotions while wearing these contraptions and dots all over themselves makes me genuinely impressed that they can get a line of dialogue out without cracking up.

txtcritic: Okay, I'll say it: Christoph Waltz is super eloquent, but I have trouble staying awake through his sentences.

Nathaniel: But they aren't run on sentences. Suck it up, man. I'm actually so impressed that he keeps coming up with new things to say. Remember when Jamie Foxx gave the same exact speech "My Grandma! RESPONSE AND CALL" 27 times in 2004/2005

Costume Design goes to Sandy Powell for The Young Victoria. I just interviewed her and I'll share more of that very soon.

Matthew So-Goode is on screen. Everyone just gasped. The Young Victoria took makeup.

txtcritic: well, judging by how the evening is going so far, "The Young Victoria" is clearly going to win Picture, Director, Actress, Editing, Adapted Screenplay and Visual Effects.

Nathaniel: Mo'Nique takes Supporting Actress. Weirdly Matt Dillon, who must not have been paying attention during this awards season, had to look at a card to introduce Lee Daniels, the director. He accepted for her. We're not sure why since he said virtually nothing other than making a joke about The Hurt Locker not having actresses in it.

Rupert Everett is announcing "Best British Film" . I don't care what anyone says -- including people in this room -- I love him. Even if you think he's an egotistical ass in interviews, at least he gives good quote. Down with celebrities who don't have anything quotable to say!

Rupert looking good after some weird face moments last year.

With both he and Colin Firth there it's like an Another Country reunion. Wow... the prize went to Fish Tank.

txtcritic: Ew, "Fish Tank." This should've been "In the Loop," by far. I honestly don't get what the appeal of "Fish Tank" is. It's just another familiar slice-of-horrible-life movie that doesn't say anything new or engaging. Please explain it to me.

Nathaniel: I can't because my screener was damaged. I need to buy a ticket. Also: I want to go back to something you said to me about Colin Firth. That A Single Man was to him what Rachel Getting Married was to Anne Hathaway: a movie that made you reconsider and totally love the actor in question who you didn't care about before. I'd love to hear which actors that the readers have had this experience with. TELL US.

txtcritic: the Orange Rising Start award, voted by *shudder* the public. I find it disturbing that Nicholas Hoult was nominated for one of the worst performances of last year -- he was basically auditioning to be a Ken doll. This will likely be Carey Mulligan, but deserves to be Tahar Rahim, who is unbelivable in "A Prophet." Jesse Eisenberg is adorable, but he's been "rising" for years now. Ew, gross, Kristin Stewart. I mean, I totally love and support her rocker-chick-aloof-lesbianism thing (even if she won't officially come out), but come the fuck on. I just looked at her IMDb filmography and she hasn't given ONE performance I would describe as better than serviceable.

Nathaniel: I've never heard the lesbian rumor. For her sake, I hope she IS a lesbian. At least that would make one interesting thing about her. I know I bag on Kristen a lot but I will say that the first time I've (almost) enjoyed her in a movie was in The Runaways in which she was playing a lesbian. Weirdly, she managed not to run her fingers through her hair. In other words: she should always wear wigs for future performances. For her that'd be like when people wear nasty tasting nail polish to stop the biting.

txtcritic: "Up in the Air" just won Best Adapted Screenplay, deservedly. Did the supposed Sheldon Turner / Jason Reitman feud flare up again? What in the hell is Reitman doing missing at these awards? What else is he doing?

Nathaniel: Maybe he's consoling Walter Kirn?

txtcritic: Walter Kirn is such a whiny bitch.

Nathaniel: "Experience the magic of Celtic Thunder." That might be the most amazing commercial I've ever seen. Hand me my phone and credit card.

Carey Mulligan, devoured by print fabrics

Nathaniel: A Prophet just won Best Foreign Film. Carey Mulligan, the presenter, seemed very happy about that win. txtcritic was also thrilled. Jacques Audiard had the BEST translator ever. She was hilarious. Translation with comic timing and attitude. What do we think is going to happen with Carey Mulligan? career-wise ... not Shia Labeouf wise.

Clive Owen, presenting Best Director, was just described as "smoother than a waxed otter". Um...

I'm trying to remember what Clive Owen looks like naked to decide if Jonathan Ross knows of what he speaks but I'm drawing a blank. Something is very wrong with me. I used to watch Close My Eyes on loop in college. Where has my memory gone?

Now Best Director goes to Kathryn Bigelow. We have no idea what her acceptance speech was. Especially the end.

And I just would like to dedicate this to never abandoning the need to find a resolution for peace.

Were those English sentences. No sense can be made of them.

UMA ALERT! --->

You know you're too far into awards season when you get the church giggles about microphone placement. But in our defense, UMA's breasts are so memorable that one always notices them.

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship Award goes to Vanessa Redgrave. She is A-MAZ-ING. But you know, she's even less comprehensible than Kathryn Bigelow. Bizarrely incoherent, and I believe it approximated about 60% of the show. It ends with some sort of Shakespeare parallels.

txtcritic: I don't remember Shakespeare's Rosalind thanking the BAFTAs...


Nathaniel: Colin Firth wins Best Actor. He really was marvelous in A Single Man as many readers seem to agree (see the Best Actor poll)

Nathaniel: Mr. Mickey Rourke to present Best Actress. "Do you want this bareback or with a raincoat" WTF

txtcritic: AMAZING. Mickey Rourke just threatened to cum inside whoever wins Best Actress.

...and it's the wildly overrated Carey Mulligan. Thankfully Ms. Bullock wasn't nominated. The adorable, young, pretty, pixieish waif will be the one taking the Rourke load.

Nathaniel: Vile. This is a PG rated blog. PG-13 when we let loose. How is Carey "wildly overrated" when Sandra Bullock exists?

txtcritic: Because, even though she's winning undeserved awards, nobody is shouting ejaculatory praise about Ms. Bullock. Meanwhile, people are raving about Mulligan's "transcendant," "maginificent," "star-is-born" performance as if it's more than her just being adorable, and male critics wanting to screw her.

Nathaniel: male critics and Mickey Rourke apparently.

Nathaniel: On to Best Picture with Dustin Hoffman presenting. Did we like him in Last Chance Harvey? Readers?

txtcritic: I liked him quite a bit in that charming-if-forgettable movie. "The Hurt Locker" wins, and Mark Boal just called his earlier speech "uncharacteristically inarticulate." Arrogant much? Either way, Boal and Bigelow make an extremely hot/sexy "we can't announce we're official until after awards season is over" couple.

Nathaniel: There's a reason we keep calling it The Sexy Locker.


That Oscar for Best Picture is looking more and more secure. At this point, it doesn't feel like a two horse race to me. But some other sports metaphor. What?

BAFTA is over anyway. What did y'all think of the show?
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Up in the Link

My Modern Met fun film art for the BAFTA best pic nominees. Speaking of... I will be live-blogging or rather tape-delay blogging the BAFTAs tomorrow night. Be here, 8 PM ESTish.
New York Magazine have you heard the murmurs about Walter Kirn, the Up in the Air novelist? He ain't happy about the lack of an Oscar invite.
Geekologie disturbing Spider-Man fetish video. I wonder if Tobey Maguire ever spent time in his trailer doing this.
I Watch Stuff Owen Wilson to star for Woody Allen next. I could see that pairing working, couldn't you? The film is called... wait, you guessed it, Untitled Woody Allen Project.
Cinema Blend Kristin Scott Thomas to seduce Ethan Hawke in Paris. Can't wait! Parisians are totally into Ethan Hawke, haven't you heard?
Situated Laundry picks 10 favorite frames from 2009 movies (inspired by In Contention)

Vulture Christoph Waltz on The Green Hornet and working with Quentin Tarantino. I love this bit

I said to Quentin once, “Why is it that I’ve never seen a bad performance in one of your movies?” Even from actors — well, you know my belief is there’s no such thing as great actor, good actor, bad actor. And Quentin’s movies are the perfect proof for that. Because when someone is right, he or she is right. And only then can she be good. And with Quentin, I don’t know the way he casts, the way he looks at people, but also, you know, the way he writes his parts, every single part is a great part. There are no lousy parts in Quentin’s movies.

That's so so true. Even the bit players have fun/interesting parts to work with.

Best Supporting Actor Babies

Babies as in... when they were young.... when it all began.

For my weekly column at Towleroad I ended up in some sort of retro mental loop, obsessing about how the careers of the nominees kicked off. I restricted myself to Best Supporting Actor or I would've been typing for hours.

I also admit a wee perverse desire to see Dear John but so far I've stayed strong.

If you've seen any of the supporting actor nominee's debut movies, please speak up. I don't remember Matt Damon being in Mystic Pizza at all. Do you?
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The Hurt, Precious, Inglourious, Crazy, Complicated, Blind, Single, Serious, Up-in-the-Air 2010 SAG Awards Liveblog!

txt critic liveblogs SAG

Greetings all. I've just returned from my shitty movie day with my Quizno's, Tasti Delite and Orville Redenbacher in tow, ready and super-pumped for this evening's festivities. Feel free to chime in with any thoughts along the way!

6:17 EST: Revelation from Giuliana Rancic: "Guys, when TV stars and movie stars mix, anything can -- and usually does -- happen."

6:31 EST: She just suggested to Ed Helms that Susan Boyle appear in the "Hangover" sequel.

6:32 EST: Tracy Morgan: "Morgan Freeman could be my daddy."

6:35 EST: Ross the Intern just asked Carey Mulligan "Where is Shia LaBeauof tonight?" and she looked flustered and said "I don't know" (i.e.: "You're not allowed to talk about that"). Awkwaaaaaard.

6:50 EST: Questions are being asked about what Ryan Seacrest does in steamrooms.

6:57 EST: Apparently, the first award of the evening -- for Best Stunt Ensemble -- has been given to "Star Trek."

6:58 EST: Tina Fey just confronted Giuliana with "Are you one of the ones who took a big steaming crap on me last week?" Effing Awesome. For the record, I don't care what anyone says, I LOVED that dress.

7:08 EST: You know you're stoned when you see a commercial for "Valentine's Day" and think for the first time: "Hm, maybe that won't be so bad."

7:12 EST: Me still no likey Jon Hamm + beard

7:19 EST: Whoa, Meryl Streep is wearing a beautifully ugly dress. LOVE it.

7:25 EST: "An Education" seems to be buying a lot of TV spots for this E! pre-show. I know a lot of people who love it. I am not one of them.

7:39 EST: Is it wrong that I completely forgot about the TV awards? I totally associate the SAG awards with movies.

7:47 EST: Gabby Sidibe appears to be WILDLY drunk, and confirms her place as my favorite person at these awards. She just confessed that she's never watched the SAG awards.

7:55 EST: Holy hell. Why do I still get surprised when Helen Mirren shows up somewhere looking sexy as shit?

7:59 EST: Adam Lambert, diva that he is, is the last guest to show up before the awards start. Wait, why is he here?

8:04 EST: Jeremy Irons is wearing sunglasses indoors. Hrm, his pretentiousness is offset by his yellow-and-red bow tie.

8:07 EST: Lead Actor in a Comedy Series. Me say it's Baldwin, though him, Steve Carell and Larry David are all consistently great. I've never seen "Monk" or "Two and a Half Men," so I can't speak for Shalhoub or Sheen. And it's... Baldwin.

8:09 EST: Fuck, Christoph Waltz is handsome.

8:13 EST: Lead Actress in a Comedy Series. I've not seen "Samantha Who" or "The New Adventures of Old Christine." Noticing a theme? I don't really watch CBS except for Letterman. This will probably be Toni Collette. I'd be happy with Falco, Collette or Fey. Whoa, it's Tina Fey for "30 Rock"! Apparently, her 25th win from them.

8:14 EST: "I just want to take a moment to say to everyone at NBC... that we are very happy with everything. And happy to be there." So funny.

8:21 EST: There is currently a clip reel devoted to honoring/commemorating... Comedy. WTF? And set to the wackiest generic music you can imagine. I hate this.

8:23 EST: Man, Ray Romano just made a Kevin Bacon / Jon Hamm joke. Blech.

8:26 EST: Ensemble in Comedy Series. Even though I can't stop watching it, "Glee" consistently infuriates me. As great as the cast of "The Office" and "Curb Your Enthusiasm" are, this should really go to "30 Rock" or "Modern Family," currently my two favorite shows on TV. I'm sure it will be "30 Rock." And it's.... "Glee"?!?! Christ! Okay, I guess none of my issues with the show have to do with the cast, but still! Eh, as long as Jane Lynch gets an award, I can't complain that hugely.

8:28 EST: Gabby and Mo'Nique present a clip from "Precious" while holding hands. Me likey.

8:29 EST: Helen Mirren is presenting BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE

In a just world, would've been nominated: James Gandolfini ("Where the Wild Things Are"), Peter Capaldi ("In the Loop"), Garrett Dillahunt ("The Last House on the Left"), Robert Duvall ("The Road"), Saul Rubinek ("Julia")

ChrIstoph Waltz will probably win this, and he deserves to, but I wouldn't be angry with Woody Harrelson. Christopher Plummer is a threat to win simply because he's old, but the performance really isn't deserving. Damon is fine in "Invictus," but basically just has to shout things in a huddle.

I happen to adore Stanley Tucci, but I seem to be one of the rare few who thinks he's AWFUL in "The Lovely Bones" (though I don't outright hate the movie). He just piles on affectation after affectation -- like talking with a weird speech impediment -- that it feels like a parody of an actor playing a serial killer.

8:32 EST: Yay, it's Christoph! This is a thoughtful, eloquent speech, but it's not the YouTube clip, outpouring of emotion or fireworks display supposedly needed at an early awards like this. Luckily, the performance is strong enough that he doesn't need to rely on anything else to be the Oscar winner.

8:39 EST: Outstanding Female Actor in a Drama Series. The nominees are Patricia Arquette, Glenn Close, Mariska Hargatay, Holly Hunter, Julianna Margulies, and Kyra Sedgwick. I've never seen one episode of any of these shows. Wow, do I not watch any Dramas?

8:41 EST: And it's Julianna Margulies. Okay.

8:45 EST: Male Actor in a Drama Series. Simon Baker, Bryan Cranston, Michael C. Hall, Jon Hamm, Hugh Laurie. Oh, I do watch "Dexter" and "Mad Men." I guess I do watch dramas, just not those boring, lady-driven TNT detective-esque dramas. Yay, Michael C. Hall! Though that Bryan Cranston clip reminded me that I need to start watching "Breaking Bad."

8:47 EST: I will try to cut down on my "An Education" hate, since I really don't hate it, but these clips just remind me that I don't understand what anyone is finding special about this movie. It's a nice, fairly entertaining, middle-of-the-road, learn-your-lesson movies made for grandmothers. But whatever I guess.

8:50 EST: Ensemble Cast in a Drama Series. Never seen "The Closer" or "The Good Wife" and I only half-watch "True Blood," but I love "Dexter" and "Mad Men." This should really be "Mad Men" .... and it is!

9:00 EST: As president of the SAG, Ken Howard is doing his duty by saying some very boring things for minutes on end. He was wonderful in "In Her Shoes."

9:02 EST: And now Sandra Bullock is beginning the presentation of the Lifetime Achievement Award to Betty White. Is it wrong that the former golden girl's appearance in "The Proposal" last year (ever-so-slightly) diminished the love I had for her?

9:18 EST: This "Extraordinary Measures" commercial seems to be advertising a much happier, smilier movie than the two-hour dying-children movie I saw this afternoon.

9:22 EST: Best Actress in a TV Movie or Mini-Series. This should really, really, really be Drew Barrymore. I always like her, but always find her more charming than actually thinking she gave a particularly special performance, but she was truly fantastic in "Grey Gardens." If this goes to her co-star Jessica Lange, it's purely because Lange is older..... Ahhh, awesome, it's Drew!

9:24 EST: Loved that speech. Even with all the "um, um, um," it clearly was coming from the heart. I don't presume to think we actually really 'know' any Hollywood celebrity, but she just seems like a genuine person.

9:27 EST: Best Actor in a TV Movie or Mini-Series. I didn't even hear of these films with Cuba Gooding Jr. and Tom Wilkinson, and alas I missed "Georgia O'Keefe," but Kevin Bacon was terrific in "Taking Chance." It will likely be him... and it is.

9:33 EST: In Memoriam. I know they do it at every single awards show every single year, but I really wish they'd stop doing the applause-meter thing.

9:36 EST: P.S. We're 96 minutes into a supposedly-two-hour-long awards show, and they've officially given out ONE film award.

9:41 EST: SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE

In a just world, would've been nominated: Catherine Keener ("Where the Wild Things Are"), Patricia Clarkson ("Whatever Works"), Marion Cotillard ("Nine"), Vera Farmiga (for "Orphan"), Melanie Laurent ("Inglourious Basterds")

Penelope was fun in "Nine" but she's playing the exact same role she won an Oscar for last year. I happen to love, love, love "Up in the Air" but count me among the few who doesn't think Vera was anything special in it. Sure, she's sexy and has great chemistry with Clooney, but I didn't think the role required a whole hell of a lot. Call me crazy. Kendrick and Kruger are deserving of their nominations, but not for the win. Mo'Nique will be winning this, and rightfully so.

9:43 EST: And like we all thought/knew, Mo'Nique won. She delivered a really excellent speech, to boot, one that seemed (to me) significantly more sincere than her Golden Globes one last Sunday.

9:51 EST: ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE

In a just world, would've been nominated: Robin Williams ("World's Greatest Dad"), Nicolas Cage ("Bad Lieutenant"), Matt Damon ("The Informant!"), Tom Hardy ("Bronson"), Viggo Mortensen ("The Road"), Patton Oswalt ("Big Fan"), Sam Rockwell ("Moon"), Michael Stuhlbarg ("A Serious Man")

Honestly, anyone EXCEPT MORGAN FREEMAN would totally deserve this. Colin Firth was my personal favorite (though I didn't love the movie), but Clooney, Bridges and Renner are not far behind. Happy to see anyone win this, but it really should be (and will be) the long overdue Bridges. And unlike Winslet last year, it'll actually be for a deserving performance.

9:54 EST: Jeff Bridges for the win! Good for him. Meryl Streep encourages him to ignore the "Please Wrap It Up" cue.

9:56 EST: ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE

In a just world, would've been nominated: Tilda Swinton ("Julia"), Ellen Page ("Whip It"), Catalina Saavedra ("The Maid"), Charlotte Gainsbourg ("Antichrist")

I want to see Gabourey Sidibe win this. Only her and Helen Mirren gave deserving performances, and Gabby is easily the best in the category. If Tilda had gotten nominated on the other hand... I still say if "Julia" had been put out by a distributor that had any money to support it (it was Magnolia), she would far and away be the frontrunner in this category. This will likely go to Meryl (snooze) or Sandra (cuts wrists). Thankfully, Carey Mulligan appears to have lost steam.

9:57 EST: Oh, fuck. Sandra Bullock. There are no words.

10:00 EST: Yes, yes, nice speech. But completely, completely undeserved. Just a little anecdote to share -- not saying it's related: I attended a SAG screening of "A Serious Man" a couple weeks back, and a gentleman behind me said to his screening partner that he was going to vote for Sandra Bullock even though he hadn't seen "The Blind Side," using the following rationale: "She's had such a long career, and she's always been good, as opposed to someone who just lucked into it like Precious."

10:01 EST: And Clooney clinches the best moment of the night by implying he's had sex with Betty White. And making the joke "An Education: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire." Interesting that he's presenting the category that his film was surprisingly snubbed from.

CAST IN A MOTION PICTURE

While Alfred Molina and Rosamund Pike rocked the shit, I generally don't think the ensemble of "An Education" is worthy of winning an award. I also think that, aside from Jeremy Renner, the cast of "The Hurt Locker" has been a bit overvalued. "Nine" -- don't make me laugh. This should go to "Precious" or "Inglourious Basterds," and dare I say, it will go to one of them.

10:02 EST: And it does indeed go to "Inglourious Basterds." I'm very happy about it, but somehow it seems inappropriate for Eli Roth to (again!) be the one accepting the award, considering he gives the worst performance in the film.

10:05 EST: And it's over. Well, to be honest, I enjoyed blogging this more than the actual awards, so I don't how all y'all who were just watching it felt. Either way, whatever the reason, I had fun, hopefully you did too. Now, I'm off to drink in the East Village, and I'll leave you with the following words:

VOTE 'NO' ON SANDRA BULLOCK FOR BEST ACTRESS.