Now Playing: Kristen Bell in Bikini, Chris Evans Fully Clothed

The Oscar films expanded last week (and in some cases -- *cough* Milk ??? -- they're already constricting again. Hope you caught them during those seven days you were allowed to see them!) so it's strictly new releases for February. Links go to trailers...

L I M I T E D
Fanboys Odd that this comedy, about a group of Star Wars fanboys (and fangirl Veronica Mars Kristen Bell, left) storming George Lucas's Skywalker Ranch would come out the day it's target audience is hitting the Comic Con. (Methinks the target audience will be too busy wearing their own Princess Leia costumes or gawking at real live ones to go see Kristen don hers!) Like many a film before it Harvey Weinstein bought this and locked it up tight never to see the light of day until, suddenly, on a whim he decided to dump it in a theater or three.

The Objective One of the directors of The Blair Witch Project tries the 'filming our demise' thing again only with military men in Afghanistan this time.

Chocolate The director of Ong Bak: Thai Warrior returns with another one of his "no wires. no stunt doubles" action films. This one is about a special needs girl who loves chocolate. She has some magical gift for muy thai fighting. I think it's kind of like that superpower on Heroes where if you see an action performed you can duplicate it. I also love chocolate and have special needs. Where's my movie? Alas, I lack that nifty fighting gift and my special needs primarily revolve around Tony Jaa. Where is he?

Chocolate and Coraline. Curious young girls are trouble!

W I D E
Coraline If you suffer from koumpounophobia you should skip this one. If you don't, you should run to the theater because the buzz for this 3D stop motion adventure makes it sound delicious and the source material is superb. If you haven't been reading Neil Gaiman's books, when are you going to start? Try American Gods.

He's Just Not That Into You Looks like the kind of movie you'll l-o-v-e if Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus strikes you as a landmark academic tome. Initially I wanted to see it (Ginnifer Goodwin plus the parade of stars) but early reports from critic friends are grim and the episode of Sex & the City about that catchphrase is unbeatable anyway. Plus, you know how they often put the best jokes from movies in trailers?

_______...those are the best jokes?

Push In which Chris Evans keeps his clothes on (just a hunch -- it's that damn new manager's fault) to play a rogue psychic leading a battle against a secret government agency. Or something. Dakota Fanning (the voice of Coraline. Dakota is a workaholic) and Djimon Hounsou also have clairvoyant powers. My own telepathic abilities tell me you're confused. "Isn't Push the movie about the obese black teenager? Didn't it win the top prize at Sundance last month?" Yes, yes, that's the one. Only it's not this one. The Sundance Push is the one that's winning Mo'Nique raves and Oscar style buzz. But this is the other Push, now playing in thousands of theaters starring Chris Evans and it's not going to get any Oscar nominations.

It would be better if Mo'Nique was in it.



Much better.

Oooh, baby, baby Baby
Yo, yo, yo, yo, Evans, Chris / Yeah, you come here, gimme a kiss /
Better make it fast or else I'm gonna get pissed

P.S. I don't know why everyone is surprised that Mo'Nique can act. Duh.

The Pink Panther 2 A non-rhetorical question for the comments: What the hell is Steve Martin doing with his career?