7:00 You guys. I am a mess. Can't shake this flu... two weeks now of S-I-C-K. I'm not sure how this live-blogging will go. Perhaps I'll only comment should a red carpet moment or acceptance speech rouse me from my feverish stupor? We'll see. As if to add insult to injury, the Boyfriend forced me to watch a whole episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit before flipping to the red carpet arrivals. I don't mean to spoil the episode for you but the bad guys all confessed and the libidinous were punished for their evil sex drives! An innocent escort's (he wasn't the perp) face was disfigured by the end of the episode and all was right with the world. My favorite quote from the episode
I knew if they had the chance, they would ravage me. I told Gary. It made him wild... an animal!I hope Mariska wins tonight. It's so genius the way she waits till the other actors are done reciting their exposition before she recites her own exposition. Brilliance! [/sarcasm]
7:15 Jon Stewart is talking but he's just wearing a tux (men are so boring) so here's a picture of Damages "supporting" actress, Rose "I have more screentime than Glenn Close!" Byrne wearing a dress that I swore 17 people wore to the 2002 SAG awards. Champagne. I thought Rose was excellent in the indie Dead Girl but after the fact I realize that I just loved her in that because her patented miserabilism is only interesting in very small doses. She's like the television version of mopey Jennifer Connelly.7:25 They just showed a commercial for Coco Before Chanel. When I hear Alessandro Nivola speaking French I'm totally Gomez on Morticia. Hot!, or rather, Chaud.
7:39 Ryan Seacrest to Two and a Half Men's Jon Cryer. "Your show is very provocative." Um... Is English Ryan Seacrest's second language?
7:53 I don't recognize half of these TV people. Where are the movie stars? My mind keeps flashing back to Julia Louis-Dreyfus's purse. DON'T OPEN IT, JULIA!
It's like her very own Lament Configuration. Julia Louis Dreyfus is Hellraiser!
8:05 Neil Patrick Harris is the man. People should not be allowed to host awards shows unless they can sing as well as NPH or dance as joyously as Ellen.
8:14 YAY! The cutest person in the universe Kristin Chenoweth wins Best Supporting Actress for Pushing Daisies. Squeaks her way through some sort of acceptance speech. So very deserved. It was apparently Amy Poehler's idea for all the nominees to wear glasses. Poehler is love. Did you see the gay penguins episode of Parks and Recreation?
8:25 Jon Cryer wins Best Supporting Actor for Two and a Half Men. That's provocative! And also, stupid. His acceptance speech is funny but it's so annoying that Neil Patrick Harris lost again. I wanted him to kiss David Burtka on live television. I've seen Burtka in two plays and he's talented, too.8:37 Toni Collette wins Best Actress in a Comedy Series for The United States of Tara. I would like to scream "triple crown here she comes" but then I was forced to remember that she did not win the Tony when she did Wild Party, damnit. So really. She just has this one statue. But she deserves as many as Tara has personalities. You know she does.
8:49 Rob Lowe is making a joke about how he makes bad career decisions. This would be funny except that, you know, if you're still famous 25 years after pretending to sleep with your pretend sister Jodie Foster, you're doing something right.
8:53 Alec Baldwin wins Best Actor in a Comedy for 30Rock.
8:56 If we wanted dance routines on an awards show we would have called Debbie Allen. This is not helping my flu. If I didn't already feel sick, the combination of Jon Cryer and Hayden Panetierre as presenters would have convinced me to start coughing up phlegm.
New post. PART TWO
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