8:24 The "arrivals" special (VH-1 bitches) is about to begin. What does it mean that I'm slightly more excited for the pizza that's on its way. The website tells me that Zahidur is on his way with it right now. In truth, I'm more excited than I usually am due to Cheno (née Kristin Chenoweth). Are you watching? Even if I wasn't addicted to awards shows I would watch it for her. She's like sunshine and baby kittens and ice cream all at once.<-- Even when she's crying, like when she won the EMMY, she's all those things. The Cuteness! It goes to eleven.
8:31 Zahidur was kind of a jerk. We tip well and he still didn't feel it was enough? What the F? You know... I do not understand why I am forced to watch the Jonas Bros when I tune in to a movie awards show? What the F do they have to do with the movies? Oh, I get it. The Shirley Temple tribute ringlet curls on his forehead.
8:36 Anna Kendrick claims that George Clooney is not intimidating to work with. I believe her.
8:41 Fashion Police Break!
Don't you think Marion Cotillard should probably quit with the mermaid thing? She already won the Oscar dressed as one. And Saoirse's dress is so old lady but then a little too busy to be in homage to The Golden Girls. And you better save that bizness till the SAG Awards anyway when Betty White is honored. I hope everyone comes in caftans. And I better see a cheesecake platter on every table.
8:49 Ohmygod. They've even coached their red carpet people to act like the BFCA doesn't matter unless it's reflecting the Oscars. I'm so deeply ashamed. Stand for yourselves, fellow media peeps! Stop announcing your own irrelevancy in the face of *THE OSCARS* Be your own game and people will be more into you.
8:57 I edited this out of the last podcast but Joe Reid begged James Cameron to cut his hair or be mistaken for an old lesbian:
TOO LATE.
Cuz this is ladies night... oh, what a night!Zoe Saldana apparently loves the older women! And plastic dresses.
9:04 "Look at this dress!" Hee. But this opening host song's 'funny' lyrics are not really worthy of TONY winning Cheno. But that ending "Nancy, is it really that complicated? I don't think so" was pretty funny. I'll give them that.
9:12 The Ensemble goes to Inglourious Basterds. Diane Kruger announces that Quentin Tarantino "rocks".
9: 13 Kristen Bell looked pissed. What's that about?
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9:15 OMG how awkward was that reference to helping the quake victims in Haiti. Poor Tobey Maguire gettin' that duty 'And now...' Supporting Actress: MO'NIQUE in Precious. Referencing her husband's reaction to the scriptMama, don't judge it. Just be it and leave it on the floor... I love you, Daddy.I am thrilled that Mo'Nique won, I love those rhinestones on steroids round her neck. But I am so absolutely creeped out when married couples call each other any variation of mamma and daddy. It's not right!
9:25 Best Action Movie -- those are actually some good nominees -- Avatar. Duh. Meryl Streep looks confused. Apparently she hasn't been to Pandora. It's complicated.
9:29 Best Animated Feature Up. So far no surprises. I love the theme to Up. It might be my favorite thing about the movie. Okay. I think that was kind of an uncharitable acceptance speech. He couldn't mention how brilliant some of his competitors were? Or did I miss that while I was typing. If so I take it back. But I don't think I missed it. And really: Coraline... Fantastic Mr. Fox. That's some damn fine celluloid, mister Docter winner.
9:39 oy... a plastic surgery joke? Poor Kristen Bell. She had to deliver it. That's why she looked so pissed earlier. Best Young Actor goes to Saoirse Ronan
9:43 A tribute to John Hughes. The best part of it is Amy Poehler & John Krasinski's Pretty in Pink garb. hee. There was kind of a funny joke in there about the "each one of us is a brain, an athlete, a basketcase, a princess and a criminal" speech. It involved cuts to people in the audience to illustrate each type (Meryl Streep being the punchline for "a criminal") but nobody got the joke because the delivery and editing was so slow. It played like technical difficulties rather than as a joke. Too bad. Super fast delivery and editing and the Streep punchline woulda worked.
9:55 Supporting Actor Christoph Waltz. Nice acceptance speech. Humble and all about the choices that led to Inglourious Basterds.
How much do you want to bet Quentin is thinking about KristinChenoweth's little piggies at this very moment in the broadcast?
9:57 I find it that Inglourious Basterds are seated across from A Single Man's team. Julianne Moore (love the sculptural dress though it's not so great, seated) seems to find Kristin Chenoweth funny. So: good taste Julianne. Kristin is working hard but the material is a bit rough.
10:00 Sarah Silverman cracks me up. Great gay joke. Best Comedy to The Hangover. Lame. (500) Days of Summer was a hundred times better.
10:15 Oops. I fell asleep. Best Song "Weary Kind" Ryan Bingham is so sexy. And I love that there's two Ryan Binghams in play this year (see also: Up in the Air)
10:20 Er... they just gave out all the technical prizes at once. Bad form! I don't like it when people pretend that cinematography is not as important as directing and writing and whatnot. It went like so: Avatar = cinematography, editing, art direction, sound, visual effects; District 9 = makeup; Young Victoria = costumes; Grey Gardens = TV movie; The Cove = documentary; Broken Embraces = Foreign Film; Up = best score.
10:21 My goodness. Claire Danes really hits her "T"s. Such elocution. Best Adapted Screenplay Up in the Air. Best Original Screenplay Inglourious Basterds. They're really churning out the awards. Tarantino's speech is good so you get the end, when he reveals that screenplay awards are because of actors.
These guys know. My material is not easy. It's hard. I cannot have dumb actors do my dialogue. I've tried it and it was a disaster. So I want to thank my lovely actors for taking my words and singing my song and doing my poetry. God bless you.So cool. I love that he finally accepts that he's a terrible actor. Notice he was not in Basterds, f'ing it up.
10:34 MERYL STREEP (!) presenting Kevin Bacon with a prize for something. It has something to do with Bacon's charities. I have trouble concentrating because it's Streep and this has been a really long day and I ate too much pizza. Damn you Zahidur!
10:43 I am filled with joy that Best Director is for Kathryn Bigelow. I am proud to say that I've been backing her since Near Dark in the 80s and I am totally willing to scootch over and let everyone else join the bandwagon. There's plenty of room and it's about freaking time, people.
10:48 Vera Farmiga is presenting Best Actor which is perfect because she brings out great things from her leading men. Best Actor Jeff Bridges. Bridges got his director's name wrong but good save, there Jeff. God I love this man. But in the background I think it's very important to note this historic event.
I'm sorry Diane Kruger but I have to.
An actress EATS at an awards show. That made me almost as happy as the existence of Kristin 'sunshine+kittens+icecream' Chenoweth.
11:03 Best Actress Meryl Streep & Sandra Bullock. Yes, another tie. How does this happen? Is it fixed. Second year in a row with a best actress tie?
The Tie. The Superstars. The KissBoth times, Meryl Streep is involved? But that was HILARIOUS. Because both of these women are. For those who couldn't see, they circled each other warily, Sandra shouted "bullshit" and then they kissed! So, so funny. And as we have grown accustomed to expecting, Meryl's speech was divine. She even bitched that her husband was "GOLFING!" ha ha.
11:16 Mark Boal (screenwriter) accepts Best Picture for The Hurt Locker. Love that movie. And can we just talk about what no one talks about here. The cast and crew are smokin'. I'm just sad that Anthony Mackie wasn't there. But I'm just going to start calling it The Sexy Locker.And Cheno signs off claiming she's going to head backstage to make out with Sandra Bullock. And I'm signing off, too. But I'm hoping to make out with Kathryn Bigelow and Jeremy Renner instead.
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