Stellan... we need to talk.
I'm not sure why you decided to take a part in the Mama Mia movie. Perhaps you just wanted to change it up and do something silly. Perhaps you were tired of still being a "that guy" even after your stint in the Pirates movies. Truth is, I don't know... so I don't judge.
You had to know that Pierce and Colin would be getting billed above you, but I'm sure it still stung when some trailers and commercials ignored you entirely. It's as if they were saying, "who is Amanda Seyfried's dad? hunky Pierce? dreamy Colin? Or... oh man, hope it's not "that guy."
So I can only assume you were trying to make yourself stand out a bit when you decided to do this:
Now maybe it was the photographer's idea, I understand. But you could have said "no." I mean, you're a respectable actor. You've been in Lars von Trier movies.
Which brings me to my next point. No one who's been in three or more Lars von Trier movies should ever be allowed to do this:
How am I supposed to watch Dogville now? I mean it's a harmless, kitchy film on it's own, but now every time I see you perpetrating unspeakable acts upon Nicole Kidman I'm going to think of this:
Truth is, I've been having trouble not thinking of it, say... every time I close my eyes. Seriously Stellan, give me a call. I think we need to talk through this.
