Monday, February 18, 2008

Monologue: The Bride (Vol. 2)

Time for Monday's monologue.

I know I've talked about Kill Bill too much. Too bad. I was reminiscing about its opening scene. Uma breaks the fourth wall. Her monologue, which was originally shown in theaters as a teaser, was something almost none of us expected to be a part of the actual movie. It was so much like an advertisement itself (complete with the meta moment of name checking movie advertisements!). The Bride reminds you of the plot from Vol. 1. to get you back into this cleaved [Bride of] Frankenstein monster of a movie.

I looked dead, didn't I? But I wasn't. But it wasn't from lack of trying I can tell you that. Actually Bill's last bullet put me in a coma; a coma I was to lie in for four years. When I woke up I went on what the movie advertisements referred to as a roaring rampage of revenge. I roared. And I rampaged. And I got bloody satisfaction.

I've killed a helluva a lot of people to get to this point. But I have only one more --the last one, the one I'm driving to right now, the only one left. And when I get to my destination I am going to kill Bill.
It's fun, but it's also strange since it doesn't really match the movie. I love Uma when she moves into the heightened ACTING mode that Tarantino sometimes asks of her and few other filmmakers really capitalize on. But I know that turns people off. She's a divisive actress.

But wouldn't it be interesting if more sequels tried this approach.

I looked happy didn't I? But I wasn't. Well, um... I was. MaryJane and I were in love. I resisted the love. The movie taught me that with great power came great responsibility. I found the power. I became responsible. I dumped MaryJane. But then I accepted her love and the hero inside of Spider-Man: Peter Parker. And so did she! I went and got 'em tiger --the bad guys, all of the bad guys... whenever my Spidey Sense was tingling.

And when we woke up, I was unhappy. I resisted the love. Because with great power comes great respon...
See, if they'd tried this recap technique for Spider-Man 3 they would have realized they already told the entire MaryJane/Parker love arc in the first two movies! Time for a new drama. How did this movie couple forget the entirety of 2 so that they could have the exact same angst for 3 that they had in 1? Arrggggghh.

Of course some franchises really need the recap to make any sense at all. Try to imagine Alien 5 if you will...

I...well, you see... It -- um....
No! the very idea of it: how could Sigourney even recap? She can't do it. That's some confusing identity issues and plot threads (plot knots?) right there.
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